Alright, by now you know the story of my existence, you know why it is that I am here, and you know why I continue to track my progress on this blog.
What you don’t know is that on my 21st birthday, I felt genuine surprise for the first time in my life, over the fact that I am still alive.
Today I am 38 years old and I am seriously sitting here waiting for God to strike me down, I’m not even kidding. After everything that I’ve been through I really shouldn’t be alive, but since I am I want to make my time here matter. For the most part the phrase “make your time matter,” is the mantra behind this website.
It’s precisely why I started it. I knew that four years ago I was going to have to deal with my mental health issues, but I wanted to be able to show the world that I could do it. That I could make something of my life after everything that I have been through.
There are people in this world who want attention because they want and need to feel good about themselves and to a certain extent that is a part of it, but mostly I want to one day be able to point to this website so that I can show people, that I understand what struggle and fear feels like.
In my dreams I have seen worlds that I couldn’t convey in words if I tried, and I want to honor the fact that rather than strike me down the universe has tried to bless my life in a bunch of ways that I didn’t know how to recognize as blessings at the time.
For a lot of years being weighed down by the shock of the trauma meant that I wasn’t feeling like myself. I wasn’t feeling honest, open, and pure of spirit. If anything all I was doing was hiding, but over the last four years, I have found ways to communicate with the universe and with those that I love and care about in ways that I didn’t fully expect and certainly was not prepared for.
This is a far more fascinating and strange world than any book or story could teach us, and I am so honored that I get to be this girl who is the Loud Mouth Brown Girl. I consider it an honor, and a humbling one at that, that “I” get to say that “I” am the LMBG. No one in the entire world, in any dimension or any other universe can say that, and this is the thing that I’ve spent my entire life looking for.
Now that I am here, like any fresh out of the machine superhero in the making, I am wondering what it is that I can do with what it is that I have learned, and I’ve discovered that I have to streamline my focus of study.
For a long time my “study” has been me, and me alone, it’s been mean trying to discover what it is that I want to study.
When I was 19 I knew that I was curious about this planet, and about the plants that bring people to the brink of awareness and consciousness and I knew that I wanted to study the Cannabis plant, but unfortunately, no one was teaching classes on the plant back then.
It’s only in the last four years that I rediscovered the fact that I was fascinated and genuinely afraid of this plant but it’s also in the last four years that this plant has come into my life in such a way that I was ready and willing to accept all the lessons that come with using something that has so many different uses and possibilities.
I am a person who has a lot of different uses and possibilities, I am a person who has a lot of skills, but needs to learn how to establish myself as someone who knows how to use those skills to help those who are where I was not so long ago.
For a lot of years I struggled because I knew how to do things but I didn’t know how to explain what it is that I know how to do, now that I have found others who understand the language that I know how to speak I am finding it easier to discover what it is that I want to do with my life and who I want to be.
For a lot of years I forgot because trauma, trauma does that to you. It makes you forget everything you could be, and turns you into someone you never imagined you’d need to be in order to survive.
There are many people in this world who want to watch me fail, they want to see me fall down they want to see me cry, and get hurt, and be miserable, and you know what? I’m totally okay with that you can continue to stand back and watch me fall but still I am going to get back up every single time, and do what I need to do, to make sure that MY time here mattered to someone who needs me the most.
There are people in this world how are strong enough to stand by me, and others who want to stand beside me or help lift me up, but aren’t entirely sure how, and so this is the moment where I tell you how.
A while ago I set up a Go-Fund-Me to raise money so that I could upgrade the website, but the money I raised wasn’t nearly enough ($75.00), so I am going to take that money and put the upgrades on the backburner for awhile. Instead I am going to focus on going to school.
There is a Cannabis Education Course that I want to take and it costs $249.00, and while I could run another GFM, what I was thinking was that for those who are able to support me I’d like y’all to have something to say thank you. You give me your hard earned money, and I give you a hoodie that tells the entire world YOU are the reason that MY dreams came true.
These are a limited edition collection and once 38 hoodies and 38 shirts have been sold, I will no longer be selling them. They will stop being sold either way on October 31st 2021, for a lot of reasons.
- 38 is the year that I am today and I want to celebrate that I have finally found my place in this world.
- Halloween is my favorite time of the year because it’s fall and that’s the time of the year that although plants around the world are dying the world is still filled with beautiful bright colors reminding us that the light will not dissapear forever.
- It’s just a fun way to raise some money from my friends, family, allies, and supporters, who want to help lift up another Loud Mouth Brown Girl.
- This way I will be able to say that there are people in this world, who helped me make my dreams come true and you will know that your efforts your own struggles your own pain, will not have been in vain.
I am super excited about this design because I think that our purpose on this earth no matter where we come from is to lift others up, to support them even though they are struggling, and while yes “I” am the one currently asking for help I know that one day I will be in a position to help others.
So without further ado here is the
Like I said I will only be selling 38 hoodies, and 38 t-shirts, and once that many have been sold, this collection will vanish forever never to be seen again so if 38 of you amazing beautiful people who are out there in the world could find it in your heart to support me it would mean the absolute world to the little girl in my head who wants nothing more than to see me become the Rockstar she believed I could be.
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall