I was thinking about all of the people who are working during the pandemic. I am thinking about all those anti-maskers who are opening their businesses and perpetuating the lie that covid is in fact a myth.
I am also thinking about the pressure they must be under. I am talking about Teachers, Nurses, Doctors, Business owners, and people who are just trying to get through the day without losing their homes, cars, and everything else that matters to them. And I’m sorry.
I mean if you were a business owner in 2020, or you are a business owner in 2021, you’ve made your dream come true, only to have it come crashing down due to a global pandemic. The stress some of you are under right now must seem like it’s completely insurmountable, but it’s not…I promise.
This isn’t a post asking you to get the vaccine or even to stay calm, because how can you stay calm when everything you’ve ever done in your life has been about making your dreams come true, only to see them blow up because of circumstances out of your control?
I don’t have any instant solutions for you. I don’t think that commiserating with your community is going to make all the trauma of losing your life long dream, is going to make anything better, sure it will help, but it’s not going to solve the problem of your mortgage, or your car payments.
It’s not going to put food on your table, or feed your children, I know this, and I guess I’m just writing to tell you that I understand…or at the very least, I hear you.
I don’t think that governments around the world are doing the best possible job they can be doing, in fact I think in a lot of ways the governments are failing their people.
When this all first started those of us who were already isolated made a lot of jokes about how the extroverts were going to fair in this experience, but the truth is that it stopped being funny a long time ago.
My mom works in the Downtown East Side of Vancouver, one of the most dangerous places in the country. They have high numbers down there, and in the building where she works there have been four confirmed cases. That doesn’t include the seven to ten that they’ve had over the last year and a half.
It’s a scary time, but confirmed cases at her work place means that I have to stay inside isolated and away from the rest of the world, because even though she has had the vaccine, I have not. (I am scheduled to get it next week.)
Because of my own mental health, and physical health issues, I have to protect myself, and others, and I will say that the isolation is starting to get to me. I have a neighbor that I can visit with because she sees almost no one, and because she’s almost always in the house, but we sit in her yard and keep a safe distance from each other just in case.
I miss hugs, and that’s not something that I ever thought I would say, specifically because I don’t like being touched, because well, years of sexual abuse and trauma.
I miss laughing with friends, and going for a beer with my auntie and my mom at the local Legion. I miss spending time outside the house and I am starting to feel the walls closing in.
I can’t imagine how a six year old is doing not being able to see their friends, or the frustrations that parents must be feeling with the trauma of having to keep their rambunctious children inside the house all the time, or away from other people.
Isolation is not normal for humans, we’re used to socializing, to being around others, to bonfires and parties, but if you’re following the rules and doing what you have to, to keep those you love, and even those you might not even know safe, I just want to say that I thank you.
I know how hard it is for you, because I feel it too. I know that we’ll get through this, and that on the other side things will get better, but yes in the mean time, this sucks, and I feel it too.
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall
Loud Mouth Brown Girl 