Dear Mom and Dad…You’re Doing A Really Good Job

I know that it’s hard. I know you didn’t expect to be raising kids in a world where people see your children as targets. I know you didn’t plan on raising kids in the middle of a pandemic. I know you didn’t know that you were going to be raising kids in a generation where domestic terrorists think that they have the right to whatever they want, when they want, regardless of who their behavior is going to effect.

So give yourselves a break, you’re doing a good job.

Andrew Wang recently was reported as saying that he didn’t want to live in NYC full time because it’s too difficult to raise two kids in a pandemic, while living in a two bedroom apartment. The entitlement of some people is exhausting, but I know that you can do this. I know that you have the strength, the smarts, and the skills to make sure that your children grow up into decent human beings who care about the world around them, because that’s who you are.

There are a lot of people right now who are looking at you side-eyed wondering why you can’t get it together, and they are judging you without judging you vocally which is more annoying than doing it verbally, because when they don’t say anything, you can’t fight back. I get it.

Among the challenges that you are facing, you’re going to have to deal with going to work and dealing with people’s bullshit, while trying to raise children, while simultaniously trying to find time to just breathe, let’s make this perfectly clear, the state of the world right now, sucks donkey balls, and you are doing a good job.

I am not a parent, so I cannot imagine what you are going through right now, I cannot fathom the stress, fear, anxiety, depression, and misery, that you have to deal with.

What I do know is that a few years ago I was in the Dollar store and I heard a mother tell her child no, the kid immediately started screaming, and this mother decided to patiently explain to her child why she could have whatever she wanted, when she wanted. “You’re doing a great job,” I said quietly, but loud enough for mom to hear.

In that moment I learned how important it is for parents to hear that, for them to know that the job they are doing with their kids isn’t going unnoticed, and when Natalie Cox said the same thing in our BudSista’s group I realized it was important for me to say the same thing here on the blog for you all to see it.

There are going to be days when you lock yourself in the bathroom and cry. It’s okay to cry, you deserve to, you’ve been through a lot, the last three years in particular have been traumatic for everyone on this planet.

There are going to be days when you want to cut out your own eyes, rip out your hair, and scream, it’s okay to feel that way, but don’t do those things, hurting yourself is not going to make it better, it’s just going to be a temporary relief to long term pain.

I know that your kids are confused right now, I know they are scared, and frustrated, and I know that they can be unholy fucking terrors on days when you just want to put your feet up and relax, but I PROMISE you, you are doing a good job.

I just wanted to let you know mom and dad, that I love you, that I think you’re amazing, and that I don’t think I could do half as good a job as you’re doing.

I love you,

Devon J Hal