I’ll tell you what we’re not doing in 2021

I will tell you what we’re not doing in 2021. We are not shedding tears over people who decide that our lives exist purely so they can be mean to us. We are not shedding tears over men who want to destroy us just so that the can watch something burn. We are not living our lives with the expectation that a man, woman, or child, is going to enrich our lives just to pull ourselves out of misery. We are going into 2021 with the idea and the intent of being the best possible version of ourselves.

We are going into 2021 with more creativity, more excitement, and a freshness we haven’t experienced before. We are going to believe in ourselves and in our talents. We are going to set our goals on January 1st after the hangover wears off, and we’re going to remember that each of us has a cosmic reason for existing, and that reason isn’t just so that we can suffer as much as possible to make others feel better.

We’re going to walk away from those who choose to believe the very worst in us, because it’s easier for them to believe the worst in us then to have trust that we are all that we say we are. We are not going into 2021 trying to prove that we deserve to be here, we are going into 2021 believing that we deserve to be here.

We are going into 2021 with the intent to make our time here matter to ourselves, first and foremost. We are going to enjoy being talented, creative, successful, we are going to put our best foot forward, and we are going to do the best that we can to be the best version of ourselves.

I say “we” because when I say “we” I mean you too, those of you reading this, or those of you hearing it in your head through time and space. We are going into 2021 unafraid of what the universe will bring, because we know that we’ve survived everything that we’ve been through up until this point.

There are things in this world that we cannot possibly control, no matter how frustrated or angry or stressed out we get, and we’re going to accept that fact and move the fuck on. I can’t change the way that people perceive me, I can’t change the fact that there are people in this world who want to believe the absolute worst in me, but what I can do is move the fuck on.

There are people in my life, who will never see things the way that I do, who will never be the people that I think I need or want them to be, and I am choosing to along with your support, send them away with love in 2021. I am choosing to wish that they have wonderful lives filled with laughter, and joy, and excitement, and challenges that push them forward into being the best version of themselves.

I am going into 2021 with the belief that I am going to meet my heros, that we all are, and that those heros are going to be everything we hope for them to be. I am going into 2021 believing that life is going to get better, because I am choosing to make it better. I know that it’s going to be a lot of work, and I am fully aware that it’s going to be uncomfortable, stressful, and frustrating, but I am prepared for that.

I am prepared to meet new people, and have brand new experiences that I haven’t had before. I am prepared to do the work so that one day hopefully soon, I can stand on my own two feet and say “we did that, together.” I am going to find someone, or several someones who will love me, and accept me, and will encourage me as I reach for the stars.

I am going into 2021 believing that I love myself, that I deserve the opportunity to love myself, without outside validation from others, because God damnit, I’ve spent a lot of years hating the person that I was because other people said that I should, and I would very much like to try the opposite of that for a change.

I am going to connect to my sexuality again, and I am going to do so without shame, and hopefully for a little while, without the aid of another person, because I would like to connect to myself, my mind, my body, and my spirit, without outside forces telling me that I don’t deserve to enjoy orgasmic pleasure by my own fucking (ha ha) hand.

I am going into 2021 with a new purpose. Not just to help other people remember that they have a purpose, but to remind myself that a lot of people came together to tell me how horrible I am, and how selfish I am, because it was easier than admitting that perhaps I wasn’t the problem after all.

I know that throughout my life I have not always been “perfectly” behaved, but I also know that I never have wanted to be the kind of person that hurt people just to hurt them. I have always had my reasons for lashing out and this year I would like to try not doing that for a change. I would like the opportunity to learn how to take other people’s opinions with the grain of salt with which it is offered.

I am going into 2021 celebrating the Ancients that came together so that one day in their future I could exist. I am going to remember that they brought me here for a reason, and that reason, whatever it is, is something that matters to someone other than myself.

I am a strong, powerful, amazing, human being, who is doing the best she can with what she’s given, and sometimes I make selfish choices, but sometimes I need to make selfish choices for my own survival.

I am watching Dead Pool right now and the song that is playing on the soundtrack is “The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow,” and that reminds me that some days in 2021 are going to be downright awful, but I also remember that there are going to be some days that are going to be fucking amazing, and I am going to take all of those days as many of them as I can get, with open arms.

Every single day of this past year has been a chance to learn something new, a chance to grow, a chance to recognize my full potential and while I am not fully there yet, I know that I will be one day.

Here’s the thing, 2020 has been absolutely traumatizing, so it’s hard to trust that 2021 after everything we’ve collectively lost, is going to be much better, but I have to believe that it’s going to be. That every second of 2021 is going to be worth it, because the alternative is depressing as hell.

This year I met so many wonderful people, I was inspired by so many more, I was genuinely challenged in ways that I didn’t think I would be, by people that I thought I couldn’t live without, but the truth is the only person I couldn’t live without this year is myself. I wrote a book. I started a clothing line. I started this blog. I did these things and I have support from people around the world, so I am going to tell you what we’re not going to do in 2021.

We are not going to worry or give a fuck about what other people think, we are not going to stress about whether or not strangers trust us, we’re going to focus on doing the absolute best we can, for as many people as we possibly can.

Here’s to another wonderful, insane, beautiful, challenging, curiously courageous year.

Sending all my love, to the shit show that is 2020

Devon J Hall