Written while Stoned

Friday The 13th In The Year 2020, In The Middle Of A Pandemic…is World Kindness Day?

Today is world kindness day, and I think that it means that today of all days, it’s okay to be kind to yourself. I woke up this morning with the usual voices telling me that I am a loser and a douchbag and for the first time in awhile, I was still feeling good about myself.

Part of it is the fact that I woke up at quarter after five, which always puts me in a good mood. I like waking up before the sun, I like feeling like just for a moment the world is mine, because everyone is asleep.

And then I flip on the news, turn on Twitter and see that outside my house, inside the world, there are people who are fighting for a stronger, more powerful, kinder, planet.

I am invigorated today by the idea that more than two thousand people around the world, are supporting my journey.

I complain a lot about having bad days, but the good days are so precious that I’ve learned to keep them to myself so that I don’t ruin them when something bad happens, but I’ve recently realized that keeping stuff to myself is in its entirety my problem.

I don’t think that I celebrate the good days enough, and on the good days, I spend a lot of time saying thank you to my favorite people on social media, because that’s really the only access to people that I have right now.

I know it will be different in the future, but that doesn’t make these days any less difficult. I know that because I am working towards a future where my life is filled with people, places, and things, that enhance my life instead of taking away from it.

So today on world kindness day I am going to do all the things that I am passionate about, and I am going to celebrate the fact that we’ve made it this far.

There are a lot of people who have always said that 2020 was going to bring about the reckoning, but they didn’t talk about how many of us were going to be blessed.

It’s hard to feel blessed when so many are suffering, because we don’t want to rub our happiness in their faces, but I’ve also learned that we can’t stop our lives entirely, in order to support others, because then we drain ourselves of all the energy that we need to keep going.

Every day I check the numbers of the people who have died and I mutter a softly annoyed “Jesus Christ”, but I haven’t really stopped to pray for them because I didn’t think about it.

Prayer is something that I reserve for the most important of issues, like my Godchildren, K and D, I love them very much, and even though they are not a part of my life, I think about them both quite a bit.

Last night I said a prayer for them, because I hope that they are having good lives filled with people who genuinely love them and care about making sure these kids have a really wonderful life.

I am thinking about all the other kids out there, living in foster care, or in care homes, who aren’t with their families. I am thinking about the kids locked in cages, dealing with bullies or sexual abuse. I am thinking about what they are doing, and whether or not they are okay, and I am saying a prayer in this post that they grow into wonderfully kind humans who have the strength to survive whatever is thrown at them.

Life is really fucking hard right now, for billions around the world, and so today on World Kindness Day I am thinking about them, and saying a prayer that hopefully they get just a few moments at least, of true happiness, to carry them through the rough times.

It takes very little energy to say thank you to those that have supported you, or to spare a thought for a friend or stranger in need, and it’s something that many of us forget to do, because we are often wrapped up in our own drama.

I’m not good at sharing my burdens, but I have been making a concentrated effort to do that this year, so that I do not have to carry them alone. I can honestly say that having LMBG to share my voice has helped me grow in ways that I didn’t know I wanted to.

I do this thing, and I have always done this thing, wherein as soon as I start to feel like I belong to a specific group, I find reasons to walk away. I am trying really hard not to do that, and to stay in my current position. I am trying not to rock the boat and just accept that I am where I am because that is where I need to be.

It’s a comfort to know that when I wake up, when I have a need, people will step up to provide just because they can. At the beginning of this year I had no idea what was going to happen, and while it’s not what I thought it was going to be, it’s honestly been an interesting ride.

I have come a long way and I have a lot to be grateful for, so today I am going to remember all the reasons that I have to be happy.

Sending all my love,

Devon J Hall

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