I keep talking about this person I love, and one day I will share that person with you all, but until then, I am hoping that I am making them proud of me.
Today I had the opportunity to share my story, and someone thought it was inspiring enough to want to share it with their network. I was interviewed by Zachary Prichard from the All Around Wellness Podcast, and I was so nervous I was itchy and sweating the whole time.
I know now that this is just my anxiety, but I think I did a good job. It was a really great conversation about my life and the things that I experienced, and how I survived, and I think I did okay.
More than that, the more that I do these conversations, the more I get comfortable sharing my experience, and to be honest with you, I am actually okay with the fact that I am not breaking records and taking names just yet.
I am learning as I go, that I am a slow burning success, I am still setting the foundation for my future, and while the process is slow, it’s exactly the pace I need it to go.
Today I had a conversation with one of my favorite writers Saabriah Lawrence about growth and how important it is to understand that we all grow in our own time.
One of the things that she mentioned was the fact that people are often giving her advice that doesn’t work for her life, and I remember those days.
People used to get so angry with me for not taking their advice, when they were so sure that their advice would work for my life, and the reality was just that their advice didn’t work, because it wasn’t time for me.
Things happen when they are supposed to – I lost a lot of friends over the years because I wouldn’t do things the way that other people thought I should do them, and that’s because I knew, no matter how bad things were, that it wasn’t time for me to activate that advice in my life.
I think people need to understand that sometimes we just need to slog through the shit, as long as it takes, before we’re ready to move on. For me it took me probably the last nineteen years to get where I am today.
I look back at that eighteen year old who hoped to meet her soul-mates one day, who had a vision for the future but no way of knowing how she was going to get where I am today, and I remember how hard it was back then.
I remember a friend telling me flat out that if I just took their advice I’d be happier, without understanding that the reason that I couldn’t take their relationship advice, was because I genuinely didn’t want the relationship I was in, to progress further then what it was. I didn’t know how to vocalize that myself at that age. All I knew was that their advice just wouldn’t work for me at the time.
That’s okay. It’s okay to know that where you are is where you are meant to be, even if it’s a really shitty place to be at the time. Its where you need to be, so that things can unfold the way they are supposed to.
I am excited about my future sure, but I am equally excited about my present time. I wake up every single day ready to do the work that I need to do to share my story, but also to heal. Some days I am focused on sharing my story, other days I am learning to live in my story and that’s a hugely important distinction.
It’s okay that my family isn’t rallying around to support me, that they aren’t proving every single day that they believe in me, because I know that they love me, that they do believe in me and that they actually care about me. They don’t have to show me every second of every single day.
I have a much better and tighter relationship with my family now, because I let things unfold the way they were supposed to, even when it was uncomfortable and even scary to do so.
It’s going to be okay, I promise.
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall
Loud Mouth Brown Girl 