How are you remaining positive in this over the top crazy ass time? Are you finding ways to remain inspired? What are you doing, teach me, because I am dying to know.
I’ve been taking my medication every night like a good girl, and I am starting to feel less motivated, the longer this goes on the more that I am finding that my social anxiety is at a whole new high.
This is especially true because when I go for extended periods outside where I have to walk I find that my back is in chronic fits of pain, which means that every part of me has to work harder, and a five minute walk exhausts the crap out of me.
I am growing frustrated with my own physical limitations, and I haven’t spoken to my Doctor about them largely because I am embarrassed.
I didn’t used to be like this, I used to walk everywhere I went, and I enjoyed it. I enjoyed the exercise that I got, and I enjoyed the energy that came with taking my walks. I enjoyed listening to music and being out and about, but these days it’s just so fucking difficult.
Sometimes I lose my breath just getting up to go to the fridge, and yes I know I need to stop smoking, but it’s more than that.
The Covid weight gain hasn’t helped my self esteem at all, and with the emotions and worry that comes with having a parent who works on the front line, I am just exhausted all the time.
I have no motivation to write, which is why ya’ll haven’t seen new posts for a few days, I have no motivation to clean or do anything. All I want to do is sleep and eat, and repeat.
I genuinely believe I am dealing with depression, but it’s more than that, it’s the state of the world crushing down on me, and I just….need to breath.
I feel like right now there is no room to breath. There is so much at stake going on in the USA, and what happens there, unfortunately affects what happens here. We’re looking at an election, which just seems fucking like a pointless waste of money to me, if you ask, not that anyone has.
Really I don’t have a lot to be stressed about, and that’s part of the problem. I started the podcast because I was bored and I needed to reach out and have conversations about things that matter to me, but now that I am ahead of schedule, I spend most of my time alone, because I don’t want to have pointless conversations, just to have them.
I am one of the many people around the world who are naturally isolated, and I admit that I am genuinely “alone”, which isn’t to say that I am lonely. I have lots of people I can reach out to, I just can’t bring myself to bother.
I’m one of those people who always thinks that I have to do it alone, even though I know that’s not true, so my question is, how do you do it? What are you doing for self care? I could really use some great ideas.
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall
Loud Mouth Brown Girl 