I really do.
I went through something this week that I won’t go into detail about, that really made me realize that I second guess myself a lot, more often than not to shut up other people.
I had a goal. And a plan, and had I stuck to that plan I wouldn’t have gone through what I am now going through and while at the end of the day it’s not a huge deal, it absolutely taught me a lesson.
I am really not good with confrontation, nor am I good with the fact that I can really be a passive aggressive bitch and I need to work on that.
I can also be very petty, and this is all about keeping myself accountable here. It would be easy for me to come out and tell you all what happened and start drama, but I don’t want to do that.
I was speaking to a friend about it today, expressing my frustration with not listening to my instincts, and she said something that really clicked. “Stand in your truth, you will be believed.”
The Police, the RCMP and my Doctor have taught me that this is not necessarily true, and that’s the lesson that I am learning this week.
I need to stand up for myself, and that means confronting people when they push me to do things that I am not ready for. I used to be able to stand up for myself, but waking up to everything that I have been through, has made me timid and more shy than I used to be.
I love big ideas, and I love that there are people out there that want to see me succeed, but there are a lot of people out there who want to take advantage of what I am building so that it benefits them. Without caring about whether or not their influence is what is best for me.
I think the reason that I don’t listen to my instincts is that even though I do have a strong personality, I don’t have a lot of confidence in my abilities when other people come into my world.
It’s something I definitely need to find tools to deal with, so that in the future when I have my own office and staff I am not being taken advantage of, but the question is how do you do that?
How do you find the balance between business and friendship? How on earth do you make sure that you’re doing what’s right for your business while simultaniously standing up for what you know is right….without hurting people on the other side?
I should have listened to my instincts, but the other personality was also strong and I let myself get talked into doing what was absolutely not ready and now here I am wishing I could take it all back.
I absolutely hate having regrets, I don’t have many, but to be honest with you…I wouldn’t be in this position if I had just stood up for myself and said “no”.
The ironic thing is that it’s become my favorite word with some people, but with new people I tend to get very afraid to confront anything because I never want to step on anyone’s toes or make them feel bad.
So I say yes when I should say no, and no when I say yes, because I stopped remembering how to listen to my instincts. I really need to work on that too.
What are you working on, and side note, do you have an advice for me?
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall