Written while Stoned

An Interview With Myself

I was looking at interview questions, because I wanted something to inspire me to write, and I decided I wanted to interview myself, because I am quite curious about myself. Yes I know how that sounds.

So I’ve picked 15 questions from this list and posted them here so y’all can get to know me, with me, this should be interesting.

1. What do you do for a living?

I run and operate Loud Mouth Brown Girl dot Com. I am a Professional Blogger, it also should be said that as of the writing of this I am also on disability, which allows me the freedom to write every day, while insuring that I get the proper Healthcare I need during this process of healing.

2. Do you have enough money?

I mean what’s enough? I have enough to have what I need, but I don’t have enough to have what I want. I would like more money, because I have big dreams and it will cost a lot to fund the potential to make those dreams become a reality. But Yes I suppose to answer the question, I have enough to survive on. I would still like to be earning more from this site however.

3. Whose your most dangerous enemy.

I am. No one on Earth can destroy you the way you can destroy yourself. No one can make you feel small and little, unimportant and unwanted the way you can to yourself. I am working a lot on learning to love myself, even the darkest most inner parts of me that’s not entirely proud of who I had to be in order to survive. My worst enemy is absolutely myself. I am the worst at sabotaging my own work in favor of the never found but always eagerly hunted for perfection. It’s something I am working on.

4. Picture yourself five years from now.

I have attended and finished Business school and I am just preparing to open the doors of my infamous Creole Cafe. I will have lined up a great list of Blues and Jazz musician’s to play nightly in the summer nights and hired one hell of a Creole Chef to cook real Jamaican and Creole homemade food.

5. Do you regret anything?

I know I’m the one choosing the questions I answer but this is hard. I regret how hard I had to live in order to survive. If I had been more aware I would have been more tender with myself. I would have tried to grow up a little less fast than my abusers made of me. I regret the lies I told to hide my pain.

6. If there was one thing you could change right now, what would it be?

My dogs Rosie and Whalley would be alive and happy beside me as I listen to the rain and Lofi music while I write.

7. Name the thing that annoys you the most

Men. Mostly, but I think even more than that it is people trying to define me so that I will fit into the neat little box they think people should fit into. I spent my life being defined by others, and I refuse to do that anymore.

8. What’s the best thing that could happen to you right now?

I want to say win the lottery so that I can get to work building that cafe, but the truth is that right now where I am in my life I am feeling like I am supposed to be here. The work I am doing with this website is filling a hole in my soul, and I know that sounds cheesy but it’s very much the truth. Where I am right now is where I want to be, where I want to be in the future is where I’ll be when I get there.

9. When was the last time you cried?

A few days ago, but I was also smiling too because I was releasing something I didn’t know I needed to let go of and that helped.

10. What is your Favorite word?

I want to say Krisya Ohana because that’s what inspired so much of my fiction writing, but the truth is that it’s cunt. I love it. It makes me happy and giggly and silly. I also love Buddha because if you say it enough times it starts to make you laugh and we all need a little laughter in our lives.

11. Do you love yourself?

Absolutely. I love everything about myself, except my stubbornness. I tend not to do the healthy thing all the time because I know it’s what I should do and that can be annoying. I don’t love the darkest parts of myself all the time, but I do love my self. I know I am a good person and even without quantifying it, I know I am the person I chose to be. That helps to remind me when things get tough, that I chose to be here.

12. Who Do You Love?

Heh this is a loaded question for me, because there is someone I love very much, someone that I will end up married to inevitably even though I’m fighting it with every fiber in my being. I love this person like the air loves the rain, it’s cold and it’s messy and it’s frustrating because I am not ready to embrace being in love yet. I don’t know who this person is though. Yup, turns out I’m a fucking romantic, waiting on the true love forever after holy shit they belong together kinda bullshit. So wherever you are…stay there awhile longer. We’ll be together when it’s time and not a moment before.

13. Do You Think You’re Strong?

I think I am stronger in some areas than in other areas. I am emotionally aware and intelligent in ways today that I wasn’t five ten or even three years ago. I am learning as I go. I often joke that I’m a learning bot, it’s my destiny to be forever learning how to grow and evolve.

14. What’s the most important thing you’ve done so far?

I think it is this website to be honest with you. I think taking time to decompress from everything that I’ve been through and learning to digest it all is a direct result of wanting desperately to be the Loud Mouth Brown Girl, wanting to ensure that no other person has to learn the hard lessons the way I did really changed my outlook on the world and my focus on who I am as a woman of color, but specifically who I am as a Black woman.

15. What’s the stupidest thing you’ve done so far?

A lot of people might think it’s get tattoos that remind me that I survived sexual abuse, but I think the dumbest thing I’ve ever done was try to pretend to be something I wasn’t to make other people feel comfortable. I got so tired of pretending that I am not a proud Angry Black Woman. I genuinely forgot that there is power in being that trope, there is strength and inspiration and creativity in being both angry and Black. Knowing that has kept me grounded and reminded to reserve my anger for the big things, it’s taught me how to harness my anger creatively so I’ll take it.

Any more questions? Feel free to leave some in the comments below.

Sending all my love,

Devon J Hall

Categories: Written while Stoned

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