Jesus wanted to build a church to God in a place that he thought all of his students can gather together and share their experiences and what they had learned.
Today I found out that a Priest in France got five years for sexual abuse against children. How does five years compare with a lifetime of trauma after sexual abuse? From a victim’s perspective I can honestly tell you it doesn’t.
When I think about the Catholic Church I feel angry and abused, I feel angry that I no longer have that community to celebrate with and to experience fellowship with. The idea of safety was taken away when Father Alex raped me.
Church is supposed to be a place where we can feel the power and presence of God, where we can commune with others who are like us, who believe in God the way that we do, but I no longer believe in God the way that other’s do.
I had a dream once that I was in this orange place, so many different shades of orange, and it was beautiful, perfect and effervescent, and all I could say was “God”, to me God is that place. That place that has nothing and everything all at once. There were no people in this place, but I felt connected to everyone I know and love none the less.
It’s not the first time that I’ve had a vision about what God could be, and over time my view of God has changed. I do not hate God, I believe in God, and I trust God has a plan that I may not always understand, but I do not believe that God is to be found in the Catholic Church anymore.
The way humanity has evolved has made room for us to change the way we believe, and honour the idea of God.
Go outside, see the way the trees dance in the wind as the birds whistle from the shadows around you. That’s how I find and celebrate God these days.
Masturbate. Anything that feels that good has to come from God.
Spend time with friends and family who are on your level, or who love you enough to accept that they may never be on your level but still want you in their lives.
Teachers who practice the same or similar ideas that Jesus preached, enough that we no longer need to look to the Catholic Church’s ideal of white men in collars and black pants.
I think what Jesus meant was that originally Peter and the others would meet on that rock, and when they left and went their separate ways they would carry the lessons with them always, and I think that’s the part the bible neglects to tell.
I believe Jesus had good intentions, and I believe that others corrupted those intentions for their own cruel and evil ways, and I think two hundred and fifty or more years of Catholic Church has proven that fact.
It’s time to disband the Catholic Church.
It is time for us to turn our back on the false prophets and the fake teachers who use their “God given” costume to destroy the lives of the most innocent. I know saying this makes me an absolute enemy of the Church and I am okay with that.
The Catholic Church has done absolutely nothing to aid me in my spiritual journey except to throw me completely off course and nearly destroy everything I believed about God.
It took me a long time for me to rediscover my love for the idea of God, not as a person but as a guide who can teach me how to be the best version of myself even in the darkest times.
God to me is not a “person” it is a council of Ancient beings that lived centuries before I did, who through the stories of their lives have taught me how to be strong, and how to learn to seem wise even when I am at my most confused.
It is through the stories of the past that we find God, and in finding God how we learn to move forward but I will never ever again, allow anyone else to tell me how to believe in God.
The Catholic Church is like a noose around your neck, from the moment you are born until the day they die they claim you as one of their own, they break you down with rules and obligations you didn’t know you agreed to and they terrify you into compliance with threats of going to hell and living in misery for the rest of eternity if you don’t do what they claim God demands.
How fucking twisted is that? that’s not a church it’s a fucking cult, and it’s time, long past time, we start referring the church to the cult that it really is.
I am so tired of worrying about whether or not I am going to go to hell when I know after everything I’ve been through that I’ve already been to hell. I know what to expect, so if I do end up there, there is comfort in knowing that what’s coming couldn’t possibly be worse than what was.
I am free of the fear of pissing off God now, not because I think I’m so great, but because I sort of figure that if God is a person, he, she, or they will understand that at least I’m not a child abusing Priest claiming to be one of the few who can speak to God personally.
Through my meditations, I’ve found myself whispering soft prayers and gentle spells into the universe, never really sure what they mean or where they come from but comforted none the less that my spirit knows what my body and mind need. I didn’t learn that in a Church, I learned that through self isolation and learning about the kind of person I want to be.
If you’ve been abused by a Priest or Pastor Minister or “man of God”, I am sorry. I am sorry you are a part of this club. I am sorry you know what this feels like and I wish you did not have to.
You know that poem that talks about how the person speaking thinks that God has left them, but it turns out that Jesus was carrying them and that’s why there is only one set of footprints?
I genuinely feel like that right now.
I feel like I am in that place where Jesus is carrying me, and I am just holding on for the ride.
I genuinely feel as if Jesus and God are beside me, around me at all times, and sometimes it can be annoying as fuck. As a child they drill it into your head that God is watching you at all times, so you must always behave as if you are being watched, because God knows.
First of all, that’s a lot to ask of anyone. There are seven billion people on this planet, I have a hard time believing that one entity can watch them all at the same time, because no one is that perfect.
Secondly, fuck off with that bullshit. They say that so that you don’t do anything that goes against the grain of who they are trying to mould you into. To make you less of yourself, and I am not just talking about letting yourself masturbate.
Although that’s a large part of it. They want you to be ashamed of your body because it makes it easier for them to control you. They want you to be ashamed every moment of your life so they can guilt you into giving them money or power over you.
This is not an organization that helps the poor, this is an organization that feeds on the idea they help the poor and disenfranchised.
There this is this idea I have in my head for a book about a group of people who call themselves Krisya Nocturnam, a group of Gypsy’s who are genetically descended from members of the Illuminati, all the way back to Jesus and Mary.
They have this council of thirteen, who are the “Elders”, they don’t really have a name yet, but the basic idea is that we’re all connected by blood to Jesus, because the Krisya Nocturnam reside over millions around the world and we’re all six degrees from Bacon.
I believe that we are all children of the universe, and if there is “A God,” than we are all descended from that too. Every culture in the world holds the idea in some way that we are all connected, and one scientist even proved it…sort of.
Gene tests show that two fifths of Ashkenazi Jews are descended from four women
We are all connected by blood, isn’t that enough? Isn’t that enough for us to believe that we are a part of something bigger than we understand, without letting these “men of God” take away everything we believe?
I think that every child on earth deserves to know about the idea of God, but I don’t believe we should be forcing them into religion at birth. It’s wrong, and it gives us the believe that we have no choice in what we believe, and since God gave us free will, we really gotta stop this shit.
It’s time to close the doors on the Catholic Church, and to open the doors of God in our own ways. However you decide to believe and love God, or not, I wish you the absolute best with your journey.
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall
Reformed Catholic
Loud Mouth Brown Girl 