“Sadly, you cannot convert fame to intelligence.”― Jack Freestone
So someone, and I won’t say who, came out and apologized for being wrong about covid, and it got me thinking. At what point do we give grace to those who apologize?
“But Devon, they don’t apologize, and they don’t forgive or forget, so why should we?” Because I’m fucking tired of being angry that’s why.
Marilyn Manson is accused of locking women up for days and weeks at a time in a small cupboard, so much so that the FBI is involved.
Johnny Depp is accused of sexual abuse and domestic violence, and I am just tired, not. of the hero’s being assholes thing, but of the news. Okay so here’s the thing:
X Y AND Z are horrible people who did horrible shit. We know this, and we know there are a lot more X’s, Y’s, and Z’s out there than we know what to do with, so how do we solve the fucking problem so it stops happening?
At what point do we acknowledge that someone fucked up and that it’s okay to move on? For me, and only for me, I think it’s when that person isn’t someone whose accused of heinous acts of violence against another person.
Every time we have said that we’re tired every time we’ve said that we’ve had enough, something else happens, and we hear shit like “thoughts and prayers are being sent up to the world.” Why? Why? WHY? WHY ARE YOU SENDING THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS?!
Why are you not sending oh I don’t know, phone calls, emails, letters to the people in the offices in your area?
“The bottom line is most often a false floor.”― Craig D. Lounsbrough
Certain things can’t be apologized for enough, and I’ll never change my stance on that. I was a victim of domestic abusive relationships. I was a victim and am a survivor of childhood sex trafficking and too many rapes to count by a variety of vicious and horrendously awful abusers at variously disgusting ages.
So for me, and only for me. I judge who I follow, and who I respect, based. on the behaviors, they are accused of being engaged with. Like if you’re accused of sexual assault I’m not watching your movies, I’m not buying your product, and I don’t care if it’s “just a rumor.“
“No, you’re not. If you were really sorry, you wouldn’t have done it. We do as we please, and then say we’re sorry. But we’re not sorry. We’re just uncomfortable–watching other people in pain.”― Sarah Ruhl, The Clean House
Harvey Weinstein, Robert Kelly, Bill Murray, Bill Cosby, all of these men, Marilyn Manson, Johnny Depp, Chris Brown, and Drake, all of them, have been accused of sexual abuse and rape, there is no forgiving that, and I can’t fathom how we can have a society where these men can be accused and we just go on like nothing important is happening.
Women are at risk of being in danger exponentially more so than men of being abused and so yet we never ever talk about women abusers. We don’t talk about them, or about LBGTQ2S+ abusers because we’re so constantly under attack from white, right-wing folks, that we don’t have time to deal with the issues that hold us back from being safe communities.
We can’t be safe community partners, with organizations and groups that support famous people regardless of the accusations.
For instance, there is a locally famous drag queen accused of sexual abuse, and other traumatizing behaviors less severe, but we don’t talk about her/him/them because we don’t have time because we’re too busy mourning our dead. And because honestly? Then we’d have to deal with the situation.
I would like to have conversations about how to move forward with people who have been abusive, but the truth is that I don’t fucking want to. I want to build a new foundation, on top of what I’ve been building with Loud Mouth Brown Girl, that makes no room for abuse or abusers.
Next week I am going to be sitting at a table filled with gay folks, Black folks, activists, teachers, healers, and friends, and my table is going to be filled with some of the nicest, kindest people on the planet. Why on earth would I want to interject these people into an experience with traumatizing and abusive folks?
I want my friends, my family members, and the people I love to feel safe, protected, wanted and cherished, and that’s never going to happen if I’m the kind of person that can say shit like “thoughts and prayers,” instead of “where do we show up?“
If you have thoughts you’d like to add about this post, please leave a message, and let’s talk about them,
Sending All My Love,
Devon J Hall and Krisya Ohana