IF AFTER READING THIS POST YOU NEED FURTHER HELP PLEASE REACH OUT TO ONE OF THE NUMBERS ON THE LIST LINKED BELOW. I am so sorry I had to share it this way, but I am tired so damned tired, of pretending that bad stuff only happens to kids, and then it’s over. Gang and traumatic life experiences don’t end when you exit gangs or escape abusers, it’s a lifelong battle that will never fully go away.
Keep Going…You Can Do It
I’m serious, you know all those people who are Life Coaches, and Guru’s who have their entire life together? I am not one of those people, if they are the after, I am MOST CERTAINLY the before.
I am the thing that comes “before” the pretty photo shoot, and I am okay with that, because I know one day that I will be the after, but I am absolutely staring at the giant crevasse at the edge of the mountain, filled with snakes, lions, tigers, bears, and fire breathing goats, wondering how I get from “here” to “there“.
In school you go from pre-school to kindergarten, to elementary, Jr. high and then high school, right? And people tell you were to go, when to be there, what to eat, how to eat it, etc.
But as an adult all that shit goes out the window, at 18 you’re supposed to have life completely figured out and you’re supposed to be ready to take on the entire world.
No one, even with everything that I Have been through, prepared me to wake up today ready to take on the world, only to find out that another 9 year old girl has been murdered. This time by a priest and three other men who raped her presumably for hours, because she went to a crematorium to ask for water.
For the crime of asking for clean water for her family, she was raped, beaten, tortured,(if you don’t think rape is torture you’re a moron) and abused, and then murdered.
The men face the death penalty, but there’s no proof that they will get it, because according to Al-Jazeera, India is one of the most unsafe places for women in the world. (TRIGGER WARNING BEFORE READING THAT ARTICLE)
IN THE WORLD.
With more than a billion people there, one woman is raped every 15 minutes. By the time you have read this article, sat with it, perhaps cried over it, at least 2 women will have been raped.
There are 96 15 minute intervals in a day – Information Maven
That means in 24 hour period, 96 women will have been raped, that’s 672 women in a single week. That means oddly, that nearly all if not EVERY SINGLE WOMAN living in India, has been raped in that country over the last 30 years.
Just because Canada isn’t “that” bad, doesn’t mean it’s not bad, it means that we don’t know how many stories of rape and torture we don’t know about.
Right now as I am thinking about all the opportunities that are coming my way, all the amazing doors that are opening to my future, I am thinking about Gudiya, a 9 year old girl who was raped and murdered by a Priest.
I doubt the Pope will say a single word about this little girl, because little girls don’t matter to the Church, they never have and they never will.
For centuries the church itself, has hidden, bribed away, and lied about, abuses that happen to children, and in India alone, the chance that a little girl will grow up withOUT being raped, is literally 1 in a billion, and that’s assuming that her father has armed guards to protect her who are not rapists in their own right.
This idea that women should suffer, so that men can feel good about themselves, I mean was it worth it? These men’s lives are now over, which yes they absolutely deserve, but how different could the world be if they had chosen to be kind, to help her, to be respectful and to keep their hands and their other body parts to themselves?
How different could the world be today if she’d been able to go home, if she’d be safe today? We will never know because men are constantly proving that they are willing to sacrifice women and girls, for the pleasure, and need for power that men seem to be born with.
I am tired. I haven’t felt this tired in weeks, I was ready today, get my course done, put some good into the world, and now I am so fucking angry at it. It’s not fair, She should be here, She should be safe, She should be happy, She should be laughing. She should be alive.
Regardless of which “she” you are thinking of when you think of all the girls who get raped and abused around the world, I want you to know that She needs your help. It is such a battle being abused, and then it’s an absolute war zone trying to fight against your abusers when they threaten to kill you, when they are willing to prove that they will kill you in order to protect themselves from the shame of their crimes.
It’s such a fucking monumental End Game, when you’ve been sexually abused by people who have more power than you do, and rapists ALWAYS want power. But I’m talking about the Priests, the Politician’s, the powerful men with money and armies behind them who will do anything to hide their shames.
They are fully aware that it’s wrong, they are fully aware, that what they are doing is evil. It’s not that they don’t care, it’s the fact that the addiction they have to a sense of power over SOMETHING in their lives is more important than how the rest of us feel about rapists and being raped.
The allure of power is a influential attraction, better men would ignore it if it means causing harm to another living breathing human being. BETTER men would be the men standing in India screaming for justice right now.
BETTER men would be the men making sure that their daughters and sisters and wives, aunties, mothers, and cousins, are protected and not alone, and no, it absolutely should NOT fall to men to protect us.
We SHOULD be able to protect ourselves, but how many of you have been taught through systematic and familial neglect that you either don’t deserve to be protected, don’t need to be protected, or aren’t worth protecting?
If you’re like me, you’re raising your internal hand right now. My brother got Tai Kwon Do classes, I did not. There wasn’t enough money for me to take the class too, although…the instructor was very nice. He let me take a class or two, but it wasn’t enough for anything to stick.
Growing up I was taught constantly by the men in my life, teachers, priests, schoolmates, neighbors, friends of friends, that my body was not mine. One by one each of them claimed a part of me through violence and rape that they called sex, and it took me 30 years to understand the difference between Sex and Rape.
I am not alone. I have spoken to other Courageous Warrior Loud Mouth Brown Girl Faerie Goddess Queens who have experienced cult, religious, and gang rape, IN THIS country, so I KNOW y’all are out there, even if you haven’t yet….announced yourselves to the entire world. I SEE YOU. I HEAR YOU. I FUCKING REMEMBER YOU!
I don’t need you to wave your flag to the world if you are not ready or prepared to join the battle, I GET IT, but I just want you to know, that I, Devon J Hall, know you are out there. I hear you and I am ready to keep hearing you, whenever you are.
30 years. I’m 38, it started when I was 2. In Canada. -Devon J Hall, Loud Mouth Brown Girl, Anti-Rape Activist
What I need is for everyone ELSE to stand up. Start accepting that if “I” say that I’ve been raped in every corner of my life, there are OTHER girls and women who have been too. I may not speak FOR them, but they ARE out there cheering me on, even if YOU can’t see them.
I won’t say that I am not going to have children – although yes, voice inside my head, I do want to. What I will say is that MY daughters, will be prepared to destroy ANY human who touches them in a way they are not ready or prepared for.
MY children will learn to FIGHT, they will learn to use KNIVES properly, they will learn to use guns if I deem it so necessary, MY daughters and sons, will be prepared for this world in a way that I never was, because I know what’s out there now. –Devon J Hall
Boys are taught to rape through rape and girls are taught to be raped, and those that find themselves between the two major gender identities on this planet, are taught all the horrible things you are taught when you don’t fit into a box that you’re supposed to fit into. From the outside, this planet looks like one of the most beautiful pearls in the universe.
Until you dig under the surface and see the darkness, the pain, the rage, and the sorrow, that comes with being a woman on this planet.
There are some days we get to have beautiful moments of joy, laughter and love, but then they are tainted when you here stories of little angels like Gudiya, girls who were filled with potential and fire that was destroyed by men who had no light of their own.
To her family, her friends, her supporters, and her allies, we hear you, we know you are there, and we see you.
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall
If you’d like to help me continue to build Loud Mouth Brown Girl, please consider donating by clicking this link to head on over to Go Fund Me to Donate to help keep the growth growing.
The Goddess Sessions staring Allison Gaines, Devon J Hall, and Renita Quirls take place on February 10th, 2022. Each ticket invites you to sit at our table and discuss all the topics we’ve been holding onto. So come join us, Tickets are free.
The Loud Mouth Brown Girl Shop #604North is OPEN again and while we only have the Stay Lifted Sis collection currently, many more are on the way in the coming months.
Uncomfortable is an Uncomfortable read of un-edited essays written by the Loud Mouth Brown Girl, during the start of the 2020-2021 pandemic era on planet earth. It’s a difficult read filled with reminders that no matter how much the universe tries to squish us, we keep pushing through and moving forward to become our best selves. Grab a copy from Amazon on Kindle or Hardcopy Here.