Religion Is The Weapon of Colonizers

For centuries religion has been used as a weapon against marginalized cultures to convince them to give up their freedom. It’s something that I am only beginning to understand myself.

Having been sexually abused by a Priest myself, I know what it feels like to be genuinely afraid of God. Largely because I was convinced mostly by my abusers, that the abuse I was experiencing was due to God’s anger at me. Religion was weaponized against me to turn me into a victim of sexual abuse and trafficking.

It took me a long time to come to terms with the difference between God and the men that claim to serve them. It also took me a really long time to realize that I could have a relationship with God outside of what my abusers tried to convince me of.

Now that I am older and free of that life, I am finding it hard to find space to let God into my heart. I am genuinely trying, but it’s difficult because I still see God as something to be feared instead of something to be respected.

I still see men as having far too much importance over God, and that brainwashing is going to take me a while to get over. I still feel like I can’t pray because I don’t deserve to like I don’t deserve to feel God’s love.

I often wonder if I am ever going to be able to have the kind of relationship with God that other people seem to find no problem having. Having a truly authentic relationship with God scares the crap out of me, and that’s entirely because of the men that have infiltrated my life throughout the years.

Now that I am here, I realize that the reason I am so afraid is that God was used as a weapon against me and I don’t know how to get right with that. I don’t know how to accept God into my heart without forgiving the men who abused me and I am not ready to forgive them yet. I don’t know how.

I don’t know how to get right with God, but I am working on it.

Sending all my love,

Devon J Hall

Author: Devon J Hall

Devon J Hall is a thirty-eight-year-old Writer and Author from Surrey, British Columbia by way of Calgary Alberta. She lives with three cats, one mother, and is addicted to coffee, cigarettes, and weed, not necessarily in that order.

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