I thought, for a moment, that I might die in Police custody, and the cops who arrested me were a hell of a lot kinder than the cops who arrested George Floyd. I was scared and panicked, and while they yelled at me and kicked at me a bit, they didn’t try to kill me.

Correction, they didn’t try to murder me.

But that’s because I got lucky.

That’s the only reason.

I am a Black woman, and unfortunately due to the color of my skin, I am not safe in this world, because White people specifically are conditioned to believe that they are somehow better than me, because their skin is lighter.

I can’t tell another White person that Jesus was Black, or at the very least dark brown.

I can’t be arsed, as the Irish in me says, because there’s no point, they won’t fucking listen.

For months I’ve been sitting here wondering why Black Twitter has been so quiet on the issues that matter, meanwhile I’ve been practically silent myself, I’ve called it out a time or two but for the most part this last year I’ve been pretty quiet about the issues that matter.

I realized today when I saw this posted in a Facebook group, that the reason we’ve been quiet isn’t because we aren’t angry, it’s because we’re fucking tired, and scared, shocked, awed and fucking downright terrified, and George Floyd is just one in four hundred years of reasons why.

We done been civil, we done been quiet, the protests in Minneapolis started peacefully, it was the Police that escalated the violence, and as per usual it is the protesters that get the blame.

I am tired of telling people to march peacefully knowing now what I know, which is that when they do that they are threatened, beaten, tortured, sexually assaulted in these massive crowds interacting with violent racist Police officers.

I am tired of asking my American Brothers and Sisters of Color to put their lives on the line so that people like me can sit here and write think pieces on why this shit keeps fucking happening.

I am angry that another Black man who made one small mistake, was murdered lynched in public while the crowd could just sit back and watch in fear for their own lives.

Ana Navarro predictably tweets out that we should remain calm, and I just have to ask why? What’s the fucking point? Are we supposed to yet a fucking gain, sit back and watch as we are murdered one by one? Are we supposed to just sit back and let it happen in hopes it won’t again when we know that it will because it always fucking does?

The civil rights movement was an organized effort by black Americans to end racial discrimination and gain equal rights under the law. It began in the late 1940s and ended in the late 1960s. 

The Civil Rights Movement has not ended, it didn’t suddenly stop because the sixties rolled around and everyone got high on crack and don’t fucking at me because that’s exactly what happened.

The sixties happened and everyone started getting high.

Then it toned down a bit, marginally, until Rodney King and then we had riots, and again it happened again and again and again. And every time we’re asked to remain civil, why the fuck should we? Where the fuck is that getting us?

“Now careful Devon, lest you get sued for telling people they should riot” for the record I absolutely do not think that you should riot, I think you should get more creative than that actually because that shit don’t work either.

A man was murdered.

By a Cop.

In Daylight.

While 3 other cops watched.

I can’t tell you not to be angry, and I can’t tell you what to do with that anger, all I know is that it has to go somewhere, and it’s probably going to end up with you making a lot of choices you might regret one day if you go out to a protest and start rioting.

I can tell you that the Police have an Army, around the globe of people that will defend their actions until the end of fucking time. I can tell you that the Police do not respect dissidents, it’s not their job to respect us, it’s their job to protect the world FROM Us.

Today I heard a voice when I was meditating telling me that I had to make a choice – clearly it was my own internal monologue voice, but it still counts.

I realized the choice I have to make is to decide what I am going to do with Loud Mouth Brown Girl, and I realized that I am doing exactly what I want to be doing with it. I am starting to promote Other Black Voices and I am going to do so with this website. I am going to start sharing and showcasing on my blog the art of other Black creators, because I think it’s fucking important to ensure that we have space in this world.

I feel like the world is crushing me from the outside in, pushing at me and pressuring me to be something that I am not, I feel like the world and the Universe are trying to mold me into something that I don’t want to be, which is quiet and fucking civil.

I tried being civil the day I got arrested and they still downed an entire plane just to make the Black girl’s life miserable. I refuse to sit by the sidelines while this shit happens, and do nothing and the only thing I know how to do is promote others.

I am tired of having to smile at every person I come across because I don’t want them to think I am afraid. I am fucking pissed off that I am afraid for children I haven’t even given birth to yet. I am utterly annoyed at the fact that it’s expected of me to be the bigger person all the time. I hate that I am terrified to walk at night in a hoodie because I am afraid of violence both because I am a woman but also because I am Black.

These are my realities because of the color of my skin and it’s not fair. Show me in the Bible says that White people are better than Black people.

So if you have a blog, a website, if you create stuff let me know in the comments under this post so that I can promote you, for free on Social Media. Show me where God came to Earth and separated us by color, race, creed, nationality, size, orientation, sexuality or gender, and I’ll show you the fucking Devil, because God loves all humans equally.

This is my commitment to the cause, to ensure that we will always have a place in this world, no matter what they try to do to shut us down.

I am sending all my love to the brothers and sisters in Minneapolis tonight, hoping they get to return home in the same condition which they left.

Devon J Hall