When I was in the darkness, as I like to call my past, I spent a great deal of time watching shows about Vampires, Demons and the struggle between good and evil. I resonated with that and the metamorphosis that comes from fighting darkness so deeply that everything I wrote was filled with angst and misery.
It makes sense of course, because I was surrounded by darkness in every area of my life, the only show I ever watched when I was working with addictions, was Dawson’s Creek because there was no violence, anger, drugs, or death. There was just a love story, an epic love story, without vampires.
It was my favorite show when I was hanging out at the strip club, it was my favorite show when I was in Narcotics Anonymous…I’ve seen every episode at least five or six times, because it was such a departure from the life I was living.
These days I am fascinated with anything reality or comedy based. I am a sucker for it, and I take it in with everything that I can, because I absolutely need something to turn my brain off.
The music and television shows that you surround yourself will absolutely change and alter your mood and that’s why it’s important to engage with social media and entertainment consciously.
For instance I’ve had a few Authors ask me to read their work, I’ve chosen not to in almost every occasion because almost every one of them has stories that depict rape and abuse in some fashion. I choose what I take in, because I can’t be arsed to deal with being triggered by someone’s work.
This means that I miss out on a lot of amazing opportunities to see a manuscript before it’s finished, but it matters more that I take care of my mental health.
When I was in the darkness, again the best way to describe my past, the music I listened to was often heavy and angry, to this day my favorite song is still Inside the Fire by Disturbed, but that’s because my name is in the first line of the song. It’s basically the theme song to my past.
These days I choose to listen more often to Jazz (although I’m listening to Disturbed as I write this) or blues, specifically the Harvey Specter collection on YouTube.
A hard reset to our moods is often need when we get down in the dumps, the music and entertainment we take into our heads has a huge effect on our spirit, that’s why our ancestors were fascinated with dance and music and drumming. They understood that music is at it’s core a way of connecting to our inner spirit.
We take care of our spirit by nourishing our bodies and minds with that which lifts us up, even when we are in our darkest moods.
Although I admit sometimes I give myself permission to wallow in the self pity because I need to let it out instead of holding it in, which is by the way also a vital and valid part of feeding our souls.
I want to get back to the place where I feel safe in my own house and neighborhood, I want to feel like I am done being watched when I leave the house, I want to stop being paranoid and being afraid for my safety all the time, and I’ve decided to try an experiment and see if that helps.
I am going to only listen to positive uplifting music for one whole month and see if by forcing my spirit to listen to positive uplifting music that maybe puts me in a better head space. At the very least it couldn’t hurt right? Do you have any songs that you would recommend that I can find on Youtube? Let me know in the comments below.
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall
Loud Mouth Brown Girl 