I am learning that as I go. Which is why it’s so important for me to talk about it. I am having a hard time conveying my thoughts these days, and I think that’s largely in part because I am medicated, but oddly I don’t regret it. I’ll take slow and medicated over angry and not medicated any day.
Some days I am productive as hell, and I can’t seem to stop getting stuff done, and other days I am completely exhausted and broken down and unable to do more than crawl into bed and curl up there all day.
Bad days are tough because they make me feel guilty and ashamed, I am filled with anxiety and then I am depressed because I don’t often feel like I deserve to have bad days, until I remind myself that everybody has bad days.
On those days I try to give myself permission not to be hard on myself. I try my best to remember that this will pass and that I will have a better day tomorrow. It’s not easy to give yourself permission, but you have to remember that you’ve been through a trauma and it’s going to take time to heal from that.
I’d make a list of things you can do on the bad days to make yourself feel better like taking a shower or going for a walk and while those are certainly good ideas, some days you just fucking can’t, and that’s okay.
I admit though this is coming from someone who has a hard time leaving the house period, so take that how you will.
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall