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I wish I could have studied Philosophy

If ever got the opportunity to study anything in University or College I think I would definitely go for philosophy.

I spend a great deal of time wondering about the stars and the energy that fills in the parts of the world we can’t see. I spend a great deal of time wondering what the Ancients might think of who their descendants have become. I wonder often if they would be proud or ashamed, I wonder if our society now is that different from their society then.

There will always be people who have the power to change the world in a positive way and a negative way, and there will be those of us who change the world in ways everyone gets to see. Not everyone will be famous but everyone will get their fifteen minutes of fame recorded somewhere, somehow.

My ninth grade teacher Mr McMillion can’t remember said that, he was a pretty smart dude, young and not all together a jackass, he was fair to me. He was one of my favourite teachers because he’s the one who made me believe that I had the potential to do great things.

He was the one that allowed us to wonder about the universe in strange and wonderful ways he taught us science sometimes and religion other times and it was fun to see how the two could both divert and intersect with each other at often opposite sides of the spectrum.

He was the one who taught us about the Mormon faith and that it was dangerous to put all our eggs into the basket of one man, he showed us how to think for ourselves.

I think I would enjoy sitting with him and talking about what I have learned of the world since I last saw him, I think I would enjoy discussing the idea of God with him and how my views there have changed radically from when I was his student.

You know what I don’t wish? I don’t wish another white man in the fucking highest office in the most important country on the planet.

I can’t fucking stand it.

I need before I die, to see a woman specifically a woman of colour, but a woman none the less in the office of the President of the United States of America. I need to know that being a woman means something more than just breaking the glass ceiling.

I need to know that being a woman means that we are a part of the great divine plan and I feel like that’s the sign I am waiting for so I can finally say “okay, yes, we’re on the right track we’re doing this right.” And yet even in Canada that seems to be a fucking impossible task.

I need to see my country elect a woman as Prime Minister, I need for men to stop having all the power. I need and wish for women to get some of it for themselves, and it doesn’t have to be by elevating my voice, but at least try to elevate the voices of people who look like me.

The ones who are in between get a lot of shame because we get a lot of attention, but the truth is that we fight hard for that attention. We’re not blind to the struggles of Darker skinned beautiful Black women, we understand the prejudice we face but we also recognize the opportunity that arises with becoming someone who is known.

There is power in lifting each other up instead of tearing each other down and yet that’s exactly what happened with Elizabeth Warren and Kamilla Harris, y’all in America, around the world say you want change and then instead of listening to the facts you listen to your fucking fear and we end up in the beginning of a Dystopian fucking nightmare.

Because that’s it folks we’re here.

I was listening to John Cena talk about being lazy and getting off your ass and fighting and all I could do was laugh during his whole speech. Nope. I’m fucking tired. I’m done. I fought for twenty plus years, I fought for myself I lived to be able to finally be free of men trying to fucking rape me.

I’m too old for the pedophiles now, thank Christ and men are leaving me the fuck alone, thank the Goddess, I am done fighting. So I think, and then I go and start writing and realize that I am fighting and I am sorry if my fight looks like sitting on my ass and doing nothing, but I am making my time here matter even if you can’t see it.

I know you’re trying to be helpful and inspiring John, but when you call people lazy what you’re saying is “I don’t see you’re struggle I don’t see your hustle.” You don’t fucking have to, I’m not really angry at you or anything I’m just pointing this out. You don’t have to see my struggle to accept that I am telling you I have one, I have become one with the place where I no longer give a fuck what people think about me.

Most everyone I know whose still in my life thinks I’m psychotic, so at this point can I sink any lower? Probably, but I’m not going to. I am going to keep drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes and ranting and raving and eating Twinkies until I am no longer interested in fighting with my pens.

I’ll see you when I’m done and if not well that’s okay too. You’re more than welcome to leave with God, but if you choose to leave fucking stay gone. I don’t have time for revolving door relationships. I’m tired, and I am healing up from too much trauma to worry about anyone else’s drama. So I am not participating in it, and that includes in Social Media.

If what you say affects me in some kind of way I will mute you and that will be the end of that because philosophically speaking I really don’t need that drama in my life.

I’m sorry if it hurts your feelings but no matter how many followers I have I may not always follow you back, I shouldn’t be expected to. I’ve fought too hard to be free in real life to start following the crowd on social media.

Sending all my love

Devon J Hall

 

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