So….if the world ends…

Does that mean I’ve been doing all this internal work for no reason?

I am sitting here and I am legitimately watching the world burn, or that’s how it feels and when I say that I mean people are freaking the fuck out.

I on the other hand am completely and utterly filled with apathy, because this doesn’t feel like the world is ending it feels like the beginning of the plot of V for Vendetta, and I keep thinking…….but we already did that….we had masks and everything.

It’s no secret I was a part of Anonymous, and all I can think is wonder what my fellow Anon alumni are thinking right now. Are you laughing? Are you okay? are you in a place where you can battle down the hatches for a few days if you need to?

My mother says she has a fever and she’s not feeling good but she won’t go to the hospital to get tested, which to my personal mind is fucking stupid. If you have a fever and you’re feeling sick you should go to the hospital, but what’s the point if it’s just because you’re over worked and tired?

I keep wondering what happens if she does have it, namely because she works down town in the Downtown East Side where illness is ripe. What happens if I can’t go to the store to get groceries? what if I run out of cigarettes? Jesus that’s a terrifying thought.

I know that Sophie Trudeau has been diagnosed with COVID 19, but for some reason I am just not worried about getting it. I self isolate every single day, I’m more worried about the homeless, the Elderly and the children who are most vulnerable.

I am more worried about the fact that testing isn’t mandatory around the world and curiously I am wondering what is happening that we’re not hearing about? Because I’m a writer I wonder what’s hiding in the shadows of the news. I am curious to know what else is happening around the world that we’re not hearing about.

I am concerned for those who deal with mental health issues and who like me find it difficult to leave the house in case of an emergency. Those are the ones I am worried about.

Even if mom does have it, (she doesn’t) we’re in the best possible place for medical care in the world, unlike many who are vulnerable and have zero access to testing or care. Even in Haiti they are testing people who are entering the country the moment they get off the planes.

It seems everywhere in the world is taking this seriously except the United States of America, and I cannot for the life of me fathom why. I don’t mean to get all Political on you but I was briefly listening to the Trump speech today and I had music on at the same time.

At one point I got so annoyed of looking at his face I turned up the music and told myself I didn’t need to hear him to know he’s full of shit. And when Jake Tapper came on the air with “not sure what to make of all that…” I knew in that moment that America will not survive another four years of Donald Trump. Neither will the rest of us.

In 2010 Hackers from around the world rose up to help the Arab Spring rise up against oppression, in the years that came after Anonymous tried to warn the world of collusion and evil doing by governments around the world and were rewarded with Donald Trump winning the Presidency.

What a massive fuck you to hundreds of millions of people around the world who tried to warn you that shit like Election Tampering and Mass Pandemics were going to become a reality very soon.

Like…we told you so….so….what else do you want me to say?

Growing up we learned a lot about what life was like in the fifty’s when people thought the world was going to end because of Nazi’s, what I don’t remember was the volume at which they began as a society hoarding toilette paper. As if that’s the worst thing that can happen in a pandemic.

Part of me wonders how many of you have never been camping when you gotta go and only have grass and leaves.

The other half of me wants you to know that you can’t eat toilette paper so maybe you should focus your hoarding on things like canned food for the homeless, because if people can’t get out than that means that Volunteers can’t work at Food Banks which means those who can’t afford to hoard anything at all are fucked.

Also you still can’t eat toilette paper. I know this I tried when I was four.

In a few months maybe a year, maybe two….this pandemic will be a running joke, and yet people will still have died because they didn’t receive the medical care they needed either by choice or by happenstance.

I don’t know if the world is going to end this year or next year or a hundred years from now, but I know that I wish I was out there on the front lines helping where I can, instead of writing about it from inside what is beginning to feel like a jail cell.

I wish I was doing something more than still healing from sexual abuse. I wish I was doing more.

Sending all my love to those who have been affected by Covid 19,

Devon J Hall