It’s so funny, because I am Brown, but I am not “Indian’ Brown, and those are two different kinds of brown.
I’m English, Irish, Scottish, Jamaican and Gypsy, I don’t have the rich history and culture in one family strain. Our family is made up of many different cultures, where as when you are Indian, you know exactly what that means. Your culture has specific traditions that are passed down through the ages, that are as respected today as they were ten thousand years ago.
You are raised knowing what these traditions are, and you are raised to act accordingly, more importantly than any of that, you know where they come from.
In my family, our traditions are a bit of a miss mash, and they have come together from many different kinds of cultures, into the people that make up my family today.
My point is I am forever pointing at one thing from my aunt, another from an uncle and another from my mom, when it comes to realizing that I share certain behaviors or ideas with specific people. Never really knowing much about which culture breeds what in our family, has left me at a bit of a loss.
I realized this as I was watching that new show “In a Man’s World,” I was watching an episode with an Indian woman, who was sad that she got different reactions from her father.
When he sees her as a woman he is aloof, pretty much ignores her and pays her no mind, yet when she dresses as a man he wants to know all about “him”, and all the accomplishments otherwise ignored for his daughter.
It occurred to me that men and women stopped talking a long time ago, there was a time that a wise woman’s word was regaled the world over. Wise women were paid handsomely for their knowledge and respected as much as Royalty often.
Yet at some point men, specifically, decided that women being in charge was a bad thing, not because they were weaker or less smart, but purely because they were women. Our voice became less important, and that became a tradition spread around the world like fucking wildfire.
Sure it’s getting better, but that’s because we’re demanding it get better, but that being said, when was the last time you spoke to a man, about the way you think about the world, without getting frustrated that you weren’t being heard?
When was the last time a man invited you into a conversation about Politics, and thought you actually expected you know what you’re talking about?
Two days ago I asked Jagmeet Singh what he planned to do to help gang kids, and kids living below the poverty line, and sure he answered me right, he gave me the politics answer “they need this that and the other thing,” and he was right, but I still wasn’t feeling heard, and that’s because I don’t think words are enough any more.
It’s all well and good to say you are hearing us, but are you really listening? when we get frustrated it’s not because we’re cunts, it’s not because we’re angry or nasty, it’s because we aren’t being heard and you have a privilege in being trained in how to ignore it.
What’s worse you’re fully aware of what you’re doing when you do it, because you give off every signal that you know what you’re doing, but you feign ignorance because it’s whats fucking easiest to do.
I am so tired of people not recognizing that a woman’s greatest accomplishment this day and age is getting through each day without stabbing a man in his fucking balls. I’m not even joking. You are exhausting, because you aren’t hearing us.
I have so many amazing women that I follow, who I find inspiring and challenging, women who expect me to be at my best all the time, because they teach me how to make it look like I know what the fuck I am doing. From all over the world, and I wonder seriously, “how are they getting so much hatred when I don’t?” the answer is simple, you’re a fucking fraid of them and you damned well should be.
Through out my life I met this man named Phil Terrace who told me flat out I was a “fucking terrifying, traumatizing lunatic of a woman,” and he did it with the most love I’ve ever felt from a man.
That man showed me more respect that any man in my life, purely because he felt like he decided I deserved by being in his world. All he did was be my friend. If you want to tell him how awesome I think he is, visit East Van Ink and let him tattoo you – that’s a plug, because I love this man that much, purely because he taught me what it means to be a man who wants to be a friend to a woman.
Not too many men are capable of that. Not too many men are taught how to be capable of that, and it translates to them saying telling us that we have to have a man beside us to feel safe.
I haven’t felt safe for the last year and a half, largely because for the last year and a half I haven’t been surrounded by men whose friends wanted to rape and beat me and try to kill me.
All those years I was being beaten, raped, tortured and abused I felt oddly safe, because I knew what to expect, and I knew how to drink up and pretend it didn’t happen.
Now that I am acknowledging that it did happen, I realize how many times I came close to being murdered, tossed in a ditch and forgotten as another brown girl killed by a guy for whatever reason he decided was worthy of my death.
Statistically speaking I am an anomaly, I shouldn’t be alive. At least once I should have been killed, and in a very real way I did die, many times over. Because every time I was sexually assaulted a little part of my soul went missing, but too few men would really understand that, because they never took the time to hear me when I speak.
Phil always did, which translated in me rarely needing to say anything at all, that is the most beautiful thing I’ve learned since realizing that men and women don’t talk to each other any more.
Maybe that’s because I’m so used to watching how my friends and sisters get treated online, but frankly my dear men, you have a lot of work to do.
The Devil was consistently and constantly blamed for all the world’s problems. Whenever someone kills someone, rapes someone or tortures someone, all they have to do is point a finger and say the devil made me do it and they seem to get away with just about anything.
Not too long ago, the act of being born a woman (this includes women who identify as Transgender or vice versa), was enough to be blamed for everything, just like the Devil.
Well the Devil is a woman and she’s not done yet, we’re just getting started. Hillary was our first shot at the glass ceiling and while she made a dent, there are millions more shots coming our way. Billions and trillions of women are waking up every day to the fact that they deserve to stand alone on their own two feet without a man holding her back.
Trillions of women around the globe are being born every day, to a new way of living, on their own, without a man by their side, however messy, sad and lonely they might be, they would rather be alone and feel like they accomplished what their soul called for them to accomplish on their own, than let a man take credit for her hard work.
That hard work I remind you, consists of engaging with men, in some cases in any and all capacities, no matter how limited that might be.
Men are exhausting. And you all need to realize what that means for us, before we’re ready to ever let you take our voices down a notch.
When you see women being attacked don’t jump in and defend us, ask us if we’re okay, what we need and let us know that you can hear us. We don’t need you to be our heros, I survived because I decided I was going to survive, because I called out for help to the one person on the planet that I needed to know more than anything in the world I loved.
I promised my future self that I was going to do whatever it takes to survive, for reasons that are mine and mine alone to know, and no man was going to stop me.
Sure I had men along the way who stepped in when I needed them, but if it hadn’t been for men in the first place, I wouldn’t have needed anyone to rescue me. I wouldn’t have needed anyone to lean on, if men had just let me be the brown girl, instead of forcing me to be the sacrifice to their disgusting adult desires.
Women are not the problems my loves, we are in fact, the solution.
Sending all my love to the women tonight,
Devon J Hall