Take a breath and whisper fuck it

There’s a fairly good chance this post doesn’t belong here, but it just struck me, how often our boundaries are pushed, and how amazingly lucky it is that so many of us do not commit murder.

And before you rant and rave at me at what a senseless thing that is to say, the truth is, that it’s the truth. I am probably more stressed when I am in a position of feeling like I am not being heard, I either shut down completely, or I allow myself a moment of “take a breath and whisper fuck it,” before I let loose and tell people exactly what I think of them.

I hate that part of myself, that angry horrible awful person that will look at a person and say to their face, “you’re behaving like a fucking victim, and I’ve really fucking had it with your bullshit.

Recently a bunch of Beyonce fans attacked a woman for pissing off the Bey, and while I understand the dislike of someone being up in your face, I have absolutely zero problem with the way that Beyonce responded to the recent “OH MY GOD SHE TOTALLY DID THAT” moment that makes her career matter more than you know, the fact that she’s a bad ass singer ever did.

My issue is with the fucking moronic douchebags who think it’s okay to tell someone on any platform, that the person who offended the “Queen Bey” *Dumbest name ever in this context*, to go and kill themselves.

I can’t believe I have to say this – I also can’t believe that a Black woman has to be the one to talk about the kind of boundaries that crosses, given how many Black women and men die every year due to suicide.

I don’t have an exact number, but it’s astrofuckingnomical. I personally have had several friends die to suicide, and the thing that pisses me off the most, is that when someone, anyone, such as myself, says something such as “hey, that’s probably not the kind of shit you should be saying about in defense of a woman whose brand is based on self image, and self power, you fucking pile of dog shit,” I can fully expect that one day this post will come back and haunt me because some ass flog will say that I disrespected the “Bey Hive”.

Won’t be the first time I told the Bey hive to go fuck itself, won’t be the last, and don’t give me this shit about “fandoms are random communities based and built on many different personalities”, no your childhood cliques who have few friends in real life, and delight on making other people feel like shit because they don’t belong. It’s gross, get a life.

In the day and age when men, women and children need, and I do mean, need on a genetic need to survive, to gather together, work together, we are tearing each other apart faster than it took to create us. It is astounding that there are just shy of eight billion people on this planet, half of whom are more than willing to destroy the other half and I totally get why.

I hate to be the one to tell you this, but humans? Fucking suck, they are terrible selfish rat bastard creatures who take, and destroy everything they touch, just to make sure that someone remembers they existed.

I personally am over it, I am completely over giving people a pass for being an asshole just because they say they belong to a clique.

As some of you might remember, there is a back story to this website, largely based in fiction, wrapped inf act, wrapped in fiction based on my life, or something of the sort. There are fictional characters, based on people I wish I knew, because the ones I do know, suck ass. Much like my adopted family member who seriously forces me to question my sanity on a daily basis.

The reason I’ve been silent about much of my life up until this point, the reason that my former blogs have been deleted, removed or forgotten, is because I was so tired of pretending like the shit that I was saying wasn’t fucking obvious to everyone around me.

I lived for almost all of my life, satirically speaking, watching people around me say and do stupid shit, and then wonder, like genuinely so, why it is I want nothing to do with them, why the fuck I avoid them at all possible costs.

There is a good chance, that in twenty years people will either call me mommy on Twitter (I can find you and destroy you, do NOT!), or tell me they hate me, please hate me, it’s so much easier for me to tell you that you are a genuine sack of shit, if you have the fucking balls in any capacity to tell someone to kill themselves.

And this is coming from a person who is pretty sure she’s said it a time or two, usually to pedophiles – almost always to genuine pedophiles or rapists, that I know personally. Once or twice on twitter, in jest, something I can’t take back and won’t try.

I’m not talking about the individual, “oh jeeze dude ha ha you should…” no I’m talking about making the choice to jump on the “yes go kill yourself for making Queen Goddess Oshun Beyonce get annoyed for two seconds in her other wise rather well taken care of life,” Yeah you people, you children, do me a favor.

Go stand in a mirror and slap yourself in the face.

Doesn’t feel good to read those words does it? Exactly.

I’ve had several people, since the creation of this blog, promise to kill me, wish me dead, swear I deserve to die, yeah yeah whatever. We tried that shit, Lucifer LITERALLY Spat me the fuck back out of hell and said “no thanks,” you know this, there were witnesses.

The act of violence that comes with the choice to hurt someone, is entirely dependant on who it is making the choice – as I recently learned this evening as I sat back and actually called someone out on their “playing the victim game.”

Oh hold your fucking horses.

Me: I don’t want to talk about this, I am setting a boundary please stop.

Them: okay but let me just tell you how you’re not wanting to talk about it is directly related to me and all my problems

Me: oh sweet Christ, (literally)

Them: blah blah I WISH I COULD MAKE YOUR HEAD EXPLODE (<- me in my head)

me: nope I don’t wish that, also in my head, because then I’d be messy – now really no seriously stop.

Them: I don’t understand why everyone wants to talk about themselves but no one wants to listen to me talk about myself for hours and hours and hours and then they get mad at me.


When you sit there and deliberately choose to ignore someone VERBALLY YELLING AT THE TOP OF THEIR LUNGS “PLEASE STOP I DO NOT WANT THIS, NO, RED, STOP, BANANA MOTHER FUCKER KNOCK IT OFF” and then you cry about how no one wants to hear you talk, you’re playing a fucking mind game, and I’m not about that shit.

I am now beyond the point of zero repair, if you are using social media to spread hatred, to press people’s buttons, to actively destroy a person from the inside out, then you are a sack of shit, and you sir madam or androgynous person, deserve to slap yourself in the face until you realize that that physical pain you cause yourself, is the direct result of karma deciding that you sir madam androgynous person, are a sack of shit.

I CHOOSE to block this bullshit from my life. I CHOOSE to refuse to continue to engage with anyone who doesn’t hear the word “no” and immediately back off. I CHOOSE to walk away from any situation, that causes me harm, because I have that fucking privilege, just like you have the choice to agree to disagree, and back the fuck off, or you can continue to play mind games and push people that really want in your life out of it.

Sayonara to anyone, place or thing, that doesn’t choose to serve me and my best self, and that includes every song on my play list that includes Beyonce. If you choose not to tell your legion, and yes we know they are “Legion”, of fans, to back the fuck down, and stop rewarding them with your attention, when they are promoting suicide than fuck you and your pathetic little bey hive. And I don’t mean by having your publicist do it, I mean doing it YOURSELF. You are a powerful strong Black Woman, why the fuck are you letting people speak for you? Isn’t that part of the fucking problem to begin with? Black women not speaking for themselves?

Yeah, that shit.

Good fucking ridden.