I think I understand a little more tonight..

Than I did say ten seconds ago.

My mind works in a very convoluted, dramatic way, it’s filled with chaos that I don’t quite understand, that I will thankfully never understand.

Here is what I know, the most amazing people in the world are as equally in love with me, as I am them, and it feels really fucking amazing.

It’s not the kind of chaos that is even remotely productive, to me being where I want to be, when I want to be there, not even a little, however it’s the kind of productive that I am supposed to have, which is just fanfuckingtastic.

Our lives have been so chaotic, that many of us thought that some of us didn’t exist, it’s a strange thing to stand in a house that looks less habitable than it should be, for you know, the average corpse, and realize that you are standing in a home filled with complete strangers, you never thought could be real, are your fucking soul mates.

All of them, even people you didn’t know lived across the street from you, or downstairs, or upstairs, or you know at the pub down the street serving you the world’s worst EVER Ceaser.

It’s also really amazing, majickal and absolutely astoundingly beautiful to be lucky enough to witness a cataclysmic event so massive, that it literally finds people around the world coming to meet the people that got to meet “her”.

The original, true real life, super hero of this story.

It’s true that I am the “face’, the “voice” of Loud Mouth Brown Girl, but there are two people that we absolutely need to remember, who haven’t been forgotten, but couldn’t be named until now.

The first is absolutely the Producer, Writer and Singer of this song, now Jay Farrell produced it, and an artist who goes by the street name “Roman” is the artist behind the music.

This song is what inspired the entire Loud Mouth movement, and while this might be the “first” to follow that particular track, it most certainly will not be the last I assure you, because well let’s face it…if dude isn’t signed to a record contract….SOMEONE, he damned well should be.

The second is our friend Breanne Smaaslet. her Husband Adam and their beautiful, miracle child Baby Salvatore. Who just celebrated his third birthday this year.

Their story is important not because Bree died of cancer, but because she lived in the knowledge that one day her friends, her familia, would meet her son, and would tell all the best and the brightest, beautiful stories of his mother to the gift she left us.

If you haven’t heard of Bree, we’d like to share a few stories with you, like the time that Bree looked at me and said “you have the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen in my entire life.” It was one of the first times someone ever complimented me.

It was also one of the few times I saw the real Bree, the soft gentle and kind side, because she gave me a hug just after that, and as someone who has severe issues with being touched, that was one of the best things she could have done.

“I’m not half the brown girl that you are,” she said, Brown Girl is for Bree and her husband Adam, but mostly it’s for her son Salvatore, so that he knows she lived through all of us, our drama, our pain, our sorrow and our worst, to remind us that at the end of the darkest scariest nightmare of your life, is the most amazing beautiful little creature that pops into the world to say “hello, I’m here, it’s really nice to meet you, I can’t wait until I grow up to meet you all.”

The tiniest most magical part of her life, wasn’t the fact that she lived through cancer long enough to leave the world a genuine Christmas Miracle, it’s that she reminded us that Christmas Miracles still exist, in a world we had long since forgotten was filled with majick if you have the courage to look for it.

Three years after the death of our friend, sister, daughter, niece, cousin, and too many friends to ever contemplate forgetting, for the rest of our lives, we are finally in a place where we can say that in all honesty…none of this was ever about outing gangsters.

It was about making sure our reality, the violence, isolation, pain and sorrow, never again has to happen to our children…because we do have children, and while we weren’t protected..we will damned sure make every day of our lives is dedicated to being the Loud Mouths that Roman asked us to be, and Brianna knew that we could be.

Sending all of our love,

The Surrey Central Crew, and every other dumbass motherfucker who heard the soft tingle of angel bells and whispered “I wonder what that was…” That’s right, OF COURSE we were never alone..but now that we can hear each other..could we maybe shut up for awhile?

Just kidding…Loud Mouths never stop talking…we just get better at refining the code.

Until next time.

Oh before we forget, if you hear the lyrics to this song, if you decide to research the life of the average person living in Surrey, New West, Vancouver or you know..the fucking planet, maybe you could be a Loud Mouth Too…the name isn’t trademarked…it never will be, except by Roman…cause well…he started it. πŸ˜›

Can’t wait to meet him for real!

 

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I am a 35 year old writer from Surrey, British Columbia, learning how to thrive after abuse. I own and operate www.loudmouthbrowngirl.com and am actively trying to find ways to engage and encourage Brown girls to speak up after abuse.

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