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This Isn’t Where I Thought I’d Be At Thirty-Seven
But in a strange way it’s where I am happy to be, does that make sense? I am content in this place, especially when I am stoned, but more so just in general. Today in particular was rough, because I had a terrible daymere while sleeping off my new medications. A man broke into my…
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Check Please
I remember many years ago sitting at a bus stop with some friends having the worst phase of De Ja Vu…every second for about two hours my brain kept screaming “de ja vu, de ja vu” over and over again, and so I did the only thing I could do. I laughed until I cried,…
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Mental Health Is Hard
I am learning that as I go. Which is why it’s so important for me to talk about it. I am having a hard time conveying my thoughts these days, and I think that’s largely in part because I am medicated, but oddly I don’t regret it. I’ll take slow and medicated over angry and…
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What Are You Doing To Invest In Yourself?
Self confidence is something that I struggle with every single day. I am trying to break past the brain washing of my bullies and abusers, but I learned while writing this post that it’s actually really difficult. How does one celebrate themselves without being accused of being filled with hubris or being accused of being…
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I Hate This
I hate that I am tired all of the time. I hate that I am afraid to go to the fucking grocery store. I am afraid to buy cigarettes at the corner store, I am afraid because everywhere I go I see friends of friends who know who raped me. A year and a half…
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I am becoming a Zombie…
So my routine has changed. From now on instead of taking a needle every morning a man will show up at my house with two pills for me to take and he will watch me take them. It’s nerve wracking and it’s fucking humiliating, but it’s just one more step in me reporting what happened…
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I Choose What I Carry
The best you can hope for is that there will be people to catch you when you fall. I got lucky that way, that there were people there. I feel like I should feel humiliated about the last couple years of my life, but that humiliation isn’t something I am interested in carrying on my…
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Whose Voice Is More Important?
I think I am trying to practice the art of telling my truth in different voices, in other words, “character creation.” It’s hard when you’re creating characters to ensure that they all have a different tone, a different vibration so that the story doesn’t become stagnant. And I think that this is is what I…
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Sex After Abuse Takes More Work
It’s a shift in the way we are as human beings. Prior to being abused we were open with who we were. We were freer, maybe we wore dresses or shorts. Maybe we felt comfortable in our sexuality and our sensuality. After abuse we become something different, a hybrid version of ourselves, somewhat kind of…
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For Those That Need To Know…It’s Monday
Today I woke up to seeing someone tell a woman to change her hair color, because she looks better with Black hair than with red hair. That woman was Mona Eltahawy, who is the last woman on this planet to do something because a man tells her to do it. I find that incredibly inspiring…
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Would You Change The World If You Could?
I am watching Charmed, the original series, and it’s the episodes with the Avatars. Those who believe that they can eradicate darkness from the world. All it takes is a sleep spell that puts everyone to sleep and letting majick completely rewrite their brain. In this Utopia there would be no pain or suffering, no…
Loud Mouth Brown Girl 