I never thought I’d make it this far.
Nope, not kidding, and not exaggerating either, I am being deadly serious. As serious as I was on the day I turned 21. I was so shocked, that when my friend Allen said I was only 9 years from 30 I actually choked on my own air.
Statistically girls like me who come from marginalized to poor economic backgrounds, who haven’t finished high school, and who have been abused to the degree that I was, are on the streets, in jails, institutions, or dead by now.
I am one of the lucky ones.
For what reason I honestly couldn’t tell you, but regardless, I’m still fucking here, so suck it universe.
Not that I want to be here, but unliving myself is just as unappealing as living, so I figure I might as well get this shit over with so that I can go on to the “Sleeping in peace forever” part of my life.
Until then, I have some expectations for this year.
My word for this year is Adventure. I want to do things, and go places, I want to meet people and find new friendships in unexpected places. I want this year to be the year that I break out of the shell that thas been holding me back for the last six years, so I can be my true self without men’s ideas, thoughts, or opinions, affecting my behavior.
I want to embrace the last few months of my 40th year, in ways I’ve never had the courage to before, and I want to genuinely embrace loving my best life.
I’ve been told by women older and wiser than me that #ItGetsBetterLater, and while I don’t know the name of the Black woman who started that hashtag, I’m inclined to believe her because my life to this point has largely sucked.
I barely remember being houseless, it feels like it happened to someone else, like it was such a daze of activity. Some days were filled with absolute boredom, and other days were filled with wonder, but every single day I knew and had faith, that things would turn out okay for me.
They did. I don’t know how to explain it, or why I am the one that ended up here when so many other girls just like me end up in worse situations, but I want to do something good with it.
I want this year to be the year that I spend time discovering new dreams and finishing up old ones so I can move forward with all the strength of the Devons that came before me.
I want everyone who follows me, loves me, fans me, or is a friend to me to win. I want success for everyone in the Loud Mouth Brown Girl army, I want every fucking one of you to have the best year of your life up to this point.
Because I think honestly and truly, we’ve suffered enough.
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall The Loud Mouth Brown Girl
Loud Mouth Brown Girl 