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Afraid All The Time
That’s me. It’s my new center. I am continuously, constantly, and consistently, afraid. All the fucking time. I have the house to myself today, for the first time since mom got hit. Mom doesn’t go out anymore because she’s in pain, the light hurts her eyes, the wheelchair isn’t comfortable, and since getting hit in…
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In All Things You Do, Remember Your Why
Okay, so this is weird. I actually do remember my why. I wanted to live. I wanted to outlive the rapists, pedophiles, and cult leaders, who said that my life was unworthy of being lived because, and only because, of the color of my skin. For years I equated my skin color with abuse, because…
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Who Are You?
Outside your: Who the fuck are you? I don’t have these problems, children, partners, men, or dogs, it feels like I have no problems right now in comparison to my friends who are struggling in their own ways to balance all the things. I am not on a tight wire, I do not have to…
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Life, Without Men
I have a bed, brand new, that has never been touched by men. It’s never been laid on, fucked on, or farted in, by men. Just me. I have a room that has only had 3 men in it, and that’s the men who moved my stuff in it. A house only 1 man comes…
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30 Minutes of Mental Health Training
Does not equip you to diagnose me with mental health issues. However, this is much education medical professionals get on Mental Health. 30 minutes. There was an article recently that said starting in 2027 doctors would go from 2 years to 3 years of training, so they would be better equipt to deal with addictions,…
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Mental Health Is a Step By Step Journey
I’ve been struggling deeply with my mental health. For decades I lived in a state of isolated denial, pretending that the memories I saw were just nightmares made up of no rhyme or reason. The truth is dark. You know this by now because you’ve been reading my work for seven years. My experience has…
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Survivor’s Guilt is Very Real and Debilitating
I survived. Rape. Torture. Branding. Ownership. Freedom. I have that last one now. I have my freedom. I am my own person, but beyond me as a singular individual, there is all the baggage that I carry with me. Anxiety, depression, PTSD, emotional struggles – all of these things are baggage that I carry with…
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What Would You Do? My Response to #BreneBrown, to Falestine from Canada #CdnPoli
Yesterday I saw an image of a child, beautiful and smiling in one photo, covered in dust so dark she looked Black in the next…because Israel had killed her. I wonder often, without saying it out loud, what I’d have done during the days of old when Nazis were the ruling class and everyone else…
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Survivor’s Connection 3
I am excited to announce that I am ready for the next healing phase. From the get-go I wanted Loud Mouth Brown Girl to inspire women – especially disabled, non-binary, women of color, – to believe that even during struggles with mental health you can build a meaningful life. For six or seven years now…
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It Means Learning To Harness Your Power
On the day I had my *major* panic attack in Winnipeg on the plane, I was absolutely terrified. I didn’t know what I was coming home to, but I knew I didn’t want to come home. I had every right to be afraid. I wasn’t terrified of my abusers, they’d already done their worst to…
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Stop Insulting Yourself, Silly Girl
That’s right. From now on, you’re only allowed to say good things about yourself. I caught myself in the mirror in the elevator coming back upstairs from a smoke. I was about to say “I look so fat and ugly,” I hate my broken teeth. I hate that I’m overweight and that I am not…
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The Princess and the Pea
There once was a story about a girl who in the cold shivering night, showed up at a castle looking for a place to live. The mother of the prince was very excited because perhaps this would become his future wife, thus turning the prince into a King. But first a test. The best of…
Loud Mouth Brown Girl 