In my whole life I’ve never set rules for myself about living, largely because I was very violently conditioned to only listen to the rules of the men who controlled me.

However, that shit is long over now, SO. Let’s make some new, HEALTHY rules for living, that involve feeding the spirit, the mind, and the body.

Rule One:

My love is conditional. I absolutely do have conditions, because I’ve been treated like I am disposable toooo often, not to have conditions about the love I am willing to give.

Everyone gets a little bit, until they give me a reason to stop giving them any. That’s it, that’s the rule. You get one shot, and one shot at forgiveness, if you can’t give me the same amount that I am more than willing to offer you, if you can’t show up for me, I fully accept that. But I will move on and spend time with people who do love me, instead of worrying about those who don’t.

Rule Two:

If it’s not fun, if it doesn’t fit my soul or my body and mind, then I am uninterested in doing it. I have that privilege and I am going to take full advantage. I know what I am capable of, but I also understand that I can’t jump into the deep end just because I know I can swim. I have to rebuild muscles that have been sleeping a very long time.

In that I will find the path for me, because I know melding what I can do, with navigating what I am incapable of doing…ALONE, is not as hard as it used to be. I know where and how to reach out for help, and I am much more skilled at navigating the world – even with my disabilities – than I was taught to believe.

Rule Three:

My disability is not a choice, nor is it a punishment. It’s the result of hard won battles with trauma and abuse. I survived, and I have scars, finding ways to navigate how to describe that without traumatizing the listener has been an experience. I better understand that my disabilities MAY SEEM invisible, until you get to know me, and so I am patient with those who don’t understand. I’m also patient with myself when my anxiety gets the betterment of me.

Patience is the rule. With yourself, with the world around you, and with those who are very clearly trying to understand.

Rule Four:

Dating is always more fun when you are with someone you genuinely want to be with. So date yourself, obviously. Date your friends, date the people at work for dinner and drinks, go to a movie, hang out with the people that matter and then only if you ABSOLUTELY Need more…Get a sex doll. I can recommend a great brand actually….okay fine. FINE. I Said!

If you REALLY must date, remember that what you need and what you want, and what you HAVE is equally and easily comparable to anyone you might meet for an intimate night. Just because you go to dinner with them, doesn’t mean you have to go home with them. And if you MUST MUST MUST fucking go home with them in this God forsaken day and christ’s age….PLEASE SHARE YOUR FUCKING LOCATION!!!

Rule Five:

Yes, you in particular HAVE done enough, and COULD simultaneously do more. Two things, true and all that. This being said, you can only carry the weights you are trained to carry, anything more too early and too soon, could end up with a broken back, a broken neck, or death. So maybe…just maybe you apply gym logic to life logic and take a look at how much you’re managing alone, and then find a way to budget a way to ask for help accordingly.

Take a look at the most famous celebrities or politicians; each of them have helpers who got them where they are because as we all know:

No Man/Woman/Child, is an Island.

Whether we do good in the world or bad in the world, whether we grow up love or unloved, it takes the people around us to help us figure out who it is we want to be ourselves. And sometimes, yeah, a fuck ton of pot. Or you know…crack, whichever.

But whatever the drug, or the uh, method, each of us has to carve our own path. So being a part of a community is NOT a bad thing Devon, its being a part of the WRONG community that sucks your soul out.

Rule Nine:

Dedication is work. When you say you want something, the universe WILL get in your way. Be it school so you can learn to do that thing you want to do, or bosses who don’t see your worth, friends who take advantage of you, or getting hit by a freakin bus, which…yeah that has happened to people, the universe WILL say “are you sure?” Over and over and over again.

So keep going. Don’t give up because it’s hard. Or because it’s lonely. Think about those times as foundational building. Think about them as you putting in the brick and the cement to keep what you are trying to build from falling apart.

Rule Ten:

Use a fucking Condom. I don’t care how old you are. GIRL! USE A CONDOM. It is cuffing season and them boys are out there hunting for a forever they ain’t got no business asking for. USE A GODDAMNED CONDEM.

That’s it. You know better than I would.

Rule Eleven:

Honesty is hard when you are disabled and you are ashamed of that disability because no one else can see it unless they’ve been reading your blog for almost a decade.

So be honest, but be gentle with your honesty. Understand that some people won’t have your perspective, but be patient with them, and understand that patience has a fucking limit. Once is a mistake. Twice is a choice. Three times is a fucking attack.

Rule Twelve:

My craft is for women and girls. I speak TO men, but not for them or about them. Therefore, their opinions on what I have to say, how I say it, or how I live, is not for me. I appreciate a few of them who have supported me in the root building stages of this website, to the point that their words do appear here.

However, if a man chooses to disagree with me, that’s not my concern. My craft is for women, and girls.

Rule Thirteen:

Dreams are for living and for building. They aren’t for waiting on. If you have a dream, fucking live for it. Make it happen as Tim would say, be the change you need to see in the world. Be the little boy/girl/they/them/ person you needed growing up because I guarantee you, there are younger people watching how you move and trying to emulate the person you say you want to become.

Live for your dreams and they will pave the way for everything else. If you need to work your ass off and make money to make your dream come true, go work at McDonald’s, if you need to serve the community, spend some time working with local faith or organized volunteer groups to learn. It’s a great way to get some experience, and to find out what makes your soul tick.

Also, one last thing though it’s not really a rule: Fucking travel. I never did that and now I probably wont’ do much of it until a few years from now, but do it when you can while you can. Meet interesting people, hear their stories, let them influence you to do good trouble, and enjoy knowing that every single person you meet, is just another voice off the internet, living their dreams too.

XOXO

Devon J Hall,

The Original, Loud Mouth Brown Girl