I genuinely want to know. I am genuinely curious as to what it will take before we finally admit that Donald Trump has created a monster with this organized group of angry white people who think it’s okay to abuse, traumatize, attack, and harrass people of color.
I want to know what it’s going to take before we can finally say “yes, these are terrorists, and yes, they do cause damage to public property and to human beings, and yes, we actually need to be afraid of them.”
I legitimately have not watched CNN in weeks, after Joe Biden won the election, I stopped watching it because I needed to escape the 24-7 mental mind fuck that is American news and politics. Yesterday was the first time I had turned on CNN since the election, and only moments after I did, all hell broke loose.
I genuinely believe in signs, and I believe that yesterday was absolutely a sign of things that are to come, and I think too many of those things are going to be very bad for people of color.
This morning I woke up to a photo on my Twitter stream of a Black woman who had been severely attacked by white Trump supporters, in the photo she is cut up and bleeding. They call this freedom.
What they mean is “freedom to attack people of color, and get away with it,” that’s what they want, and honestly I am just fucking tired.
In some cases yesterday Police officers were allowing these men and women to storm into the capitol building, in some cases police officers were opening doors and letting these people in, taking photos with them and celebrating with these “protestors” turned terrorists.
Some of you may know that I am a part of a group called BudSista’s, for weeks now I’ve been excitedly joking about the day that we can jump in the Loud Mouth Brown Girl bus, and on the BudSista bus, and travel to America where we can meet our American Budsista’s for a little smoke and wine.
I’m fucking tired of it. My Budsista’s do not want to go to America, they do not want to risk being Black or mixed race, they do not want to risk smoking in a country that hates us for existing, they do not want to travel in a place that is clearly not safe for people that look like us, and I honestly can’t blame them.
I woke up this morning with a sense of dread, and as I turned on CNN for the second day in months, all I can think is “it’s not over.”
All summer we listened to the voices of police officers who made it very clear that they see Black Lives Matter, as a movement, as the enemy. All summer long we listened to them say that their right to hurt us was more important than their responsibility to protect us, meanwhile yesterday they actively opened the doors to let these men and women through the capitol building.
They did nothing to protect state secrets, they did nothing to secure top secret information, and when it was over, it was the colored folk cleaning up after these white supremacist domestic terrorists, and I am just fucking disgusted.
I know that I am on a watch list somewhere, for saying this shit but I don’t care, it fucking needs to be said. America has a huge fucking race problem, and it’s not going away any time soon, and Joe Biden needs to do something about it, because the buck stops with him now. I’ve given up on the idea that Donald Trump is going to do the right thing, I have given up on the idea that he’s going to suddenly decide to stand for ALL Americans instead of just some of them. I have given up on him.
Four people died yesterday and frankly I don’t give a fuck that they were or might have been Trump supporters, what I care about is that four people died yesterday and they didn’t have to do. I also measure that number by the fact that if it had been BLM supporters, the numbers of the dead would have been much, much higher. This information doesn’t make me feel better.
Capitol Police are supposed to be some of the most well trained officers in the world, supposed to be these super soldiers, y’all were a bunch of pussified lil bitches yesterday, and yeah I fucking said it. Y’all stepped back and LET THEM THROUGH THE FUCKING DOORS. YOU FUCKING MORONS.
The past will always and forever have an influence on the future, and if we don’t shut this kind of bullshit down right fucking now it is going to happen again and it’s going to be worse next time and what terrifies me is that it’s going to be BIPOC people that are going to get caught in the crossfire just like yesterday.
Let me be very clear about this If you are white, or white presenting and you have nothing to say about what happened yesterday because you don’t do politics then what you are really saying is that MY life and the life of my BIPOC brothers sisters and cousins do not matter to you
Let me be clear when I say this isn’t enough. I use Facebook and I am fairly well insulated against the racism that a lot of my BIPOC friends, family, and supporters receive but I am not blind to it. I see it and I know that it exists.
Twitter and Facebook have allowed Donald Trump to spew his hatred for years, this isn’t new. They have given him platforms that have allowed him to stoke the flames of division and hatred, and closing his Facebook down, shutting his Twitter off for twelve hours is not only not enough, it’s too little too late.
I keep thinking about the fact that for four fucking years Donald Trump was allowed to say whatever the fuck he wants, when he wants, how he wants, he’s been allowed to put the lives of BIPOC people in danger with absolutely zero consequences, and now all of a sudden they want to shut down his accounts and say that they’re doing the best they can to protect us? That’s bullshit, it’s a fucking bandaid on a missile wound.
We need to demand better of our elected officials. I also keep thinking about the fact that I want to be rich and famous one day, I want my voice to matter, I want to be able to have the power to affect change, but I know that should that day come it will mean that I will have to use my voice to protect ALL people, regardless of creed, orientation, nationality, size, or color.
When I speak as the Brand Ambassador for Loud Mouth Brown Girl I am speaking as a mixed race woman, so I have to remember that there are a lot of white people that support me, and stand behind the things that I say, which means that I have to be aware that sometimes not always, but sometimes my words are for them too.
I am not an elected official, I am not President, I am not a person of power and means, I’m just another blogger trying to do the best that I can, and I cannot for the life of me fathom the pressure that comes with being the people in power, but what I know is that they are not doing the best they can to protect us.
If they can storm the capitol building without consequence, if they can leave behind pipe bombs and carry guns into Washington DC, what’s to stop them from taking over a school or a hospital? How many times, how many children have to be murdered, because of white supremacy before we declare that enough is fucking enough? What is it going to take for America to clean up it’s fucking bedroom and get shit in line?
Because the rest of the world is watching with a keen eye. They know they don’t have to fight against America, all they have to do is sit back and watch as America destroys itself.
I have no offers of hope today, I am too fucking tired, all I can say is that if you are a BIPOC person I love you, I see you, and I hear you.
Sending all my love,
Devon J Hall