advice

Dear Men

I’ve been thinking about this for a very long time. Probably because women such as myself have been fighting for the same rights and freedoms men have had for hundreds of thousands of years.

There is this prevailing theory that once upon a time, women were considered powerful and that power was respected. Largely because women could bring life into the world and men could not.

There was a majick about childbirth back in the days of old that science couldn’t quantify or explain, and that majick, the ability to bring life into the world gave us power over our male counterparts.

Not only could women bring life into the world, but they could heal almost all ailments using natural elements found in the wild. With the advancement of science and technology however, men realized they did not need to rely solely on women.

Suddenly women were being called evil and told that they were going to hell, simply for existing. The way we walked, talked and even dressed was being micromanaged by the men in our lives and for a very long time we sort of remained dormant to the status quo.

Yet here we are in 2020, and we’re still asking for a fair wage. We’re still pleading to be left the fuck alone. We’re still asking that our bodies not be sexualized for the pleasure of our male counterparts.

Photo by David Radomysler on Pexels.com

Eventually women started to rebel against the status quo, they decided that manipulating men from the shadows wasn’t good enough anymore. They wanted the same freedoms and rights that men had. They wanted the ability to work for an honest wage. Walk down the street without being sexually abused, have jobs that didn’t sexualize their bodies and minds. They wanted to be free.

We have come a long way and we have a long way to go. Things are never going to change however until men and women, as a collective, stop feeding into the toxic masculinity of this earth.

Earlier this week I saw a post that said that men who order desert after dinner are too feminine, someone suggested that perhaps men should stop breathing as a counter. Frankly my dears, that seems to be what a lot of women want.

It’s not what I want however. I want men to look me in the eyes when they speak to me, instead of trying to picture what I look like naked. I want men to have real conversations with me, instead of assuming that the only thing I want to talk about is fashion and design.

Photo by murat esibatir on Pexels.com

I want men to realize that I, as an individual human being, have skills and talents that didn’t come to me because of the men in my life, but in spite of them instead.

Everything I have learned to this point, I learned because I needed to survive the bullshit that men put me through. There is exactly one, maybe three people that I trust who are male, only one of which lives in this country and Barrie and I have never met. However, we’ve been friends coming on thirty years, and we fought hard for our friendship.

Both of us decided early that we wanted to keep our friendship, and through that decision a bridge of respect. I’ve learned a lot from my best friend but the one thing I learned above all else is that not all men abuse women.

I also learned how to be a writer from this person, which is why he’s one of my favorite humans on earth.

That being said, any man who comes into my life is going to have to know that my friendship with my best forever friend will absolutely come first, because he’s the first stable man I’ve ever had in my life, followed closely by Andrew, who has been like a father to me for so many years that I have lost count. I think I was fifteen or sixteen when I first started talking to him.

If it weren’t for these two, very white men, I don’t know where I would be in my life right now. Even when they weren’t in constant communication with me, they were always in my heart, reminding me how men should treat women.

Photo by Vinicius Altava on Pexels.com

Not all men grow up with a strong woman in their lives, and even less grow up with a man strong enough to be willing to give space to strong women. Toxic masculinity is a trait that is passed down through the ages.

In a very real way it is absolutely genetic, because it goes from parent to child and on the cycle repeats until we are ready and willing to recognize and break the pattern.

So the only question is are you willing to break the pattern? If so you are signing up for a lot of work, but if you haven’t learned by now that a happy woman is a thriving woman you haven’t learned much.

Allow women space to breath, and you will find your world is much richer for the experience.

Sending all my love,

Devon J Hall

5 replies »

  1. So accurate!! I hope you don’t mind – I linked your blog to my recent post about Black Lives Matter as a resource. Feel free to read through and let me know if you would like me to take it down!

    Like

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