Let’s talk about Gang Culture

I haven’t but I want to talk about the night that I was gang raped…because I think for that for me to understand, I have to really understand.

When I was between the ages of 15-17 I was raped a lot, passed around by a group of pedophiles who called themselves the Adrenaline Mob.

In this group was Colby Pallson, Eryn Giles, Sean Garfield, Chris Tucker, and several other men who lived and worked in Surrey, British Columbia.

I was not the only child they abused, and Giles did in fact go to prison for his crimes against adult women – to my knowledge no charges have been pressed against him for the things he and his friends made us do to each other.

After Giles “vanished” from my life – I only just recently found out he was in prison all these years for rape crimes – Pallson started bringing young boys between the ages of 11-17 to my house and giving them what he called “alone” time with me, in which he expected they would rape me.

I remembered as many names and faces as I could but he brought Dr. Golden in on the last night to hypnotize me into forgetting he was there – it was like he dissapeared before my very eyes.

When he stopped coming to my house with the boys, the men would rape me any and every chance they could get. They dated my friends, they put themselves into my life, and the passing of the Devon continued until 2014 when I finally said enough was enough.

A rumor had been started that year that I was ratting people out to the cops – turns out that was Justin Morris – why do I care? because he and Adam Hadwyn organized that night they planned it, drugged me, tortured me and raped me for hours trying to get me to say that it was Michael Ross’s idea, why does any of this matter? Because I decided today I don’t actually owe anyone in Surrey a fucking thing.

Drugged up and completely under the control of Justin Morris I told him flat out that I would blame Michael Ross as publicly as possible – because I had Ross’s permission, and as soon as the Police were in my face about it as soon as I found the courage and strength I told the fucking truth – Justin Morris was a rat who ratted out gangsters in order to take over their turf and when it didn’t work with Ross he tried – and hoped – that I would continue to blame him for rape.

I did what I had to do to survive against men who were clearly willing and able to kill me having no idea that I had survived Giles, Garfield, Tucker and Giles without any help, I am not afraid of Michael Ross who I’ve known since literally 3 days after his birth but what I am is fucking angry.

Yesterday I was handing out love letters and one of them happened to be from a Wolf Pack member – no big deal they’ve been writing these letters with me for years, whatever until it occurred to me, do you people reading this think that I support gangs? Cause I don’t.

Since writing this blog I have had my life threatened, been called a goof and a rat and so far all that I’ve heard is a bunch of threats.

I was raped by Justin Morris for hours, while he pretended to be Chunky Dollar, while he pretended to be Mike Ross, while he tried to convince me that Michael Ross was going to murder me – I was raped by Justin Morris – ain’t nothing you can do to me that is worse than that.

I’m a rat? why? Did you talk to Angel? did you talk to Ross? Did they tell you that I had permission to do whatever the fuck I wanted and y’all should keep your heads in your game and stay the fuck out of mine? They shouldn’t have had to.

No one owns this body, mind or soul but me – I don’t take orders. I stopped taking orders the day that I learned Pallson was out raping women again and Morris was helping him do it. I stopped following gang culture and life as if mine depended on it the moment I was sacrificed to Justin Fucking Morris, because Michael Ross wasn’t there to be my bodyguard any more.

The boys of Surrey have taken a lot of side eye for me lately but what everyone forgets is that when you spend time in a place filled with gangs people are going to assume you know more than you do. I am grateful that it wasn’t Alyssa Ross, or Alicia who is the size of Thumbalina on a good day. I am grateful it wasn’t Chantelle or any of the other women that we know but I am still fucking angry he came after me.

In the day and age of gangs the normal course of action would be for Morris and Pallson to get bullet’s in the head, but that not me, that isn’t what I wanted, I wanted everyone to know who they are, and the worst part is that in accusing Brandon, Michael and Doug real harm was caused, to me, and to them because then they had to tell their truth.

They had to talk about the times that they were told they could and did have sex with me, while a gun was being pointed at their heads when we were children.

We were children, and finding out about that Morris tries to use it to take down the wolf pack, and everyone thinks I did it, do I care? Not a fucking bit.

I was

  • Lied to by Adam Hadwyn who invited me over for a party
  • raped by Adam Hadwyn and his friends in North Delta
  • Drugged and beaten up for hours
  • Forced in my drug induced state to tell friends who I knew, wouldn’t believe me, what happened to us as children, in the worst possible re-imagination ever.
  • I was forced to go to the police and turn in all my journals so MY friends didn’t go to jail.
  • I was FORCED to recover memories on my own because no one believes me when I say I choose to forget the worst days of my life and am now forced to spend every fucking day thinking about it.

Do I give a fuck if you think I am a rat? I am not a rat, what I am is an angry Black woman who is tired of being treated like I’M the bad guy when the person who sent y’all to jail is god knows where hiding out waiting to try and get back at me.

Fuck every gang member in Surrey, British Columbia who beats up a woman to deal with his bullshit. That doesn’t make you a warrior, it doesn’t make you strong it makes you a fucking pussy who won’t go after the men who prove you’re weak because you’re too much of a pussy to take them on in the street.

It takes a lot more strength to put my name out here, on this site which we all know y’all watching, than it does to remain quiet in the shadows waiting to catch me in the streets just so y’all can call me a goof.

For the record I’ve said it before and I will say it again – I love Michael Ross for helping me to get the real people behind this bullshit put behind bars – y’all wanna call him a rat that’s fine it wasn’t his choice, it was mine.

I was asked how I wanted to “deal with this”, and I want Morris in Prison, I want Hadwyn and Giles, Garfield, Tucker and that fucking goof Pallson to rot in prison cells for the rest of their natural life, and well after.

That isn’t my choice, however, the only choice I have is to remind you that I’m not alone. To remind you that I had permission for everything I’ve posted on this website up until this point, and that should fucking terrify you.

Known gangsters, supposedly affiliated with the Hell’s Angel’s gave me permission to write whatever I needed to write until the truth could come out – and now that it has you want me to be afraid? of what?

My tattoos, my skin, my soul has been marked by these goof rapists my whole life, ain’t nothing you can say to me that hasn’t been said.

Yup I’km crazy, yup I’m loyal to my family, and yes I will press charges against my rapists given the chance, because when push came to shove it was never a Hell’s Angel sneaking into my bedroom.

Wasn’t a Wolf Pack Wolf drugging me and tearing me down.

Wasn’t Angel calling me his “piece of ass” while sticking a needle of god knows what into my arm before feeding me to Colby Pallson who was pretending that night to be Chad Wilson thinking I wouldn’t know the difference between a person I loved once, and a goof rat rapist.

No that was Justin Morris and Pallson, Tucker who in 2014, when I saw him later in the “lets tie up, blindfold and drug Devon game” told me I was “too old this time“. He didn’t rape me in 2014, he just wanted to see what I looked like “getting what I deserve”.

Notice how his shop has closed down since the opening of this site? Yeah, exactly.

Tucker’s shop is no more and he’s all but vanished from British Columbia as far as I can tell, good riddens to rotten trash.

You can ride with me, as a member of my Brown Girl Army, or you can keep calling me a goof, but you can’t say that girls like me aren’t loyal. We’ve been so fucking loyal to you men here in Surrey that we are LITERALLY DYING FOR YOU.

I have been RIDE OR DIE My whole life, and I aim’t in the mood to die today so come at me.. Fuck you,m fuck your gang and for damned sure fuck your “she better be” mentality.

Bitch I am whoever the fuck I wanna be, always have been always will be. I have my army, I don’t actually NEED you, so the next time you slap hit or rape a woman in this town you might want to check that she doesn’t know me.

As for the goof trying to tell me that he’s writing a novel based on my life and on this website? Fuck that bullshit, ain’t no one going to tell you shit so keep trying. You’ll never figure out who I am. You can’t tell the story of a woman who doesn’t really exist.

I’m not the only one your enemies have used to tear you down, and I won’t be the last, but I am not afraid of gangs in this city no more. You only have as much power as women like me are willing to offer you and frankly boys, you’re running low on stamina.

For the ones talking about how “they with Siddha”, the fuck where you the night Justin Morris raped my sisters? the fuck where you when Bruce Davis was going around telling people like me that Mark G was a rapist? The fuck where you the nights we needed you and you were too busy playin’ VIP in the back of the fucking Flamingo to notice something wasn’t right?!

I got men who wanna say I am a rat, women who won’t come near me because they are afraid for their safety and a whole bunch of cops who are praying I let this shit go.

I got all the time in the world, I mean you could try having me killed, but that just seems like a whole lot of nonsense for a girl whose only request is that she be left the fuck alone to create something beautiful in the world.

What do I know? All I did was survive Surrey, Jesus I hate this town.

~Siddha Lee

 

 

 

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I am a 35 year old writer from Surrey, British Columbia, learning how to thrive after abuse. I own and operate www.loudmouthbrowngirl.com and am actively trying to find ways to engage and encourage Brown girls to speak up after abuse.

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